Fugly

Sometimes something's just plain fugly, and there's not much more to be said about it.

Inspiring Bikini-Vest Combo

Ooh, where to start?

• Love the use of variegated yarn, here.  It's inspiring.
• That vest is to die for.  A bikini just looks ridiculous without a matching vest, honestly. 
• It looks like the model may be so thin that she has to hold the bikini bottoms up to keep them from falling right off.

À La Piscine

Out of all the gorgeous knitted and crocheted swimwear you've seen here on YarnYuck, you still haven't found just the right one for you?  (Picky, picky.)  Well, how about one of these? 

The little number in the back, which I think of as "X Marks the Spot", at least isn't the worst we've seen, not that that's much of a recommendation... But as for the other one, it's awful, but I'm not sure what to call it.  Suggestions?

The ONE-PIECE

...And I thought crocheted/knitted pants were bad! 

This is so very, very wrong. 

(Words fail me, when it comes to one-pieces.)

Bewildered

This poor girl looks bewildered by the ugliness of the crochet dress she models. 
I must concur; it looks like a beginner's effort. 

Will the Real Kris Kringle Please Stand Up?

Santa... Is that you?

No, no, you look good. 
...Really.
...Well, I guess we'd better be going.  Lots of shopping to do... You know how it is...
Yeah, nice seeing you, too!  We'll have to get together again sometime, you know, after all the holiday rush is over... Yeah... Well, bye!

(I think the strain of the workload might finally be getting to him...)

Get Crackin'!

Yikes!  
It's a gang of creepy crocheted Nutcrackers (whose purpose is purely decorative, as they have no moving parts and therefore couldn't crack a nut to save their stuffing)!!

Try not to panic.  Remember:  They're more afraid of you than you are of them...

Poor things.  They're really more pathetic than anything else.

When Designers Snap...

Horror can result when members of certain professions suddenly lose their footing in reality.  You wouldn't want to be in an airplane, for instance, when the pilot goes berserk.  An armed policeman who suddenly loses his marbles?  Again, not a good thing.

While the stakes may not be quite as high in the stressful field of fashion design, the yarny carnage can still be stomach-turning:

Can you guess my favorite part of this design?

No, not the row of ribbon bows up the front...

No, not the meshy fabric of the skirt, either...

The sparkly yarn "necklace"?  Nah, that's almost normal by comparison with the rest of this ensemble. 

It's not even the poofy silver sleeves (though they come in a close second).

My very favorite parts are those slits over the front (and back) of the thighs.  Classy.

Not a Hair Out of Place

It's just one disaster after another, with this photo:

Let's see...
There's the ugly chunk of black plastic on her arm... A sad attempt at a bracelet, or is it a piece of litter she found on the beach?

Then there are the excessive bobby-pins in her hair.  (Look, I know it can be windy on the beach, but at some point you've got to accept the possibility that your hair may move.)

However, it's unlikely that anyone will notice either of those lesser offenses, because, hello, HIDEOUS CROCHET SWIMSUIT.

Brown and orange... lots of holes in the fabric (one of the chief complaints against crochet swimwear)... a bottom half that is far from slimming... and then that pathetic strip connecting the top and bottom... It's just one bundle of gratuitous EWW.

(Or maybe that's what everyone's wearing to the beach these days.)

Masquerade

...Yeah, I'd want to wear a mask, too, in this outfit...

(But the mask itself is unmistakably an offense.)

Gnome

A couple of days ago we had PIXIE; today there's Gnome:

Gnome is disturbing on a couple of levels. 

First, there's the obvious horror of Gnome's face.  I mean, what is that thing?  My best guess:  a bit of sheer stocking stuffed and stitched into shape... with a couple of what look like wiggly eyes glued on (with the greatest of skill).  However it's made, it is awful. 

Second, this is something a person is supposed to want to make?  Really?  It looks like someone took a shaggy mop, the aforesaid stocking-face o' horror, and a length of black string... and did their best to make a toy out of it.  (I am assuming this is meant to be a toy. If you know better, by all means, spread the word in the comment section!)  I suppose that since children in the Olden Times were happy enough playing with corncob dolls, this could pass as a toy-- in a pinch-- but can't we do better, with all the crafting resources available these days?  (And couldn't they have done better in the 70s or 80s-- whenever this thing was published?)  Come on, crafters, let's put a little more effort into it, shall we?

Bulky

Bulky yarn has its place in the world of yarn-craft, without question. 
It's not right for every project, but it definitely has its good points. 
For instance, it works up so quickly! 

However.  
At some point you cross over into the realm of the ridiculous:

Fortunately for the rest of us (who like to point and laugh), high fashion doesn't know the meaning of the word "ridiculous".

Scroungy, Mangy Poncho-Dress

Today, a feast of fringe, both loopy and clipped!

It's perfect for those days when nothing will suit you but to look like you're draped in a scroungy, mangy wolf pelt!

Also:  What is that thing?  It looks like a poncho... but then it continues down past her hands.  Is that a skirt beneath the poncho?  Or is it dress?  Is... is she even wearing anything (up top) under that poncho??  ...I don't want to imagine what that poncho-thing would feel like on bare skin... ~shudder~

Wisps

Here's one more accessory I advise you to avoid:

Hats with built-in wisps of grey hair-- like the hair you'd expect to see on some horror movie version of a frail, elderly woman.

(Take it or leave it, of course.  It's your life.)

Tassel of DOOM

I'm not sure what's the worst aspect of this hat...

A)  The knit-covered "bill",
B)  The stripes of fuzzy-wuzzy, pink eyelash yarn,
C)  The general slouchiness of the thing,
or
D)  The humongous (pink novelty yarn) tassel of DOOM!!

...Why is there never an "all of the above" option when you need it most?!

Polyp Barnacle Sea-Creature Fashion

It's been a while since my high school course of marine biology, so you'll have to bear with me here...

I can't quite place the name, but I know there's some sort of creature living on the ocean floor that simply must have been the inspiration for this unusual hat and scarf set:

Barnacle Beanie?
Coral Polyp Cap? 

Eh, whatever. 
The point is, yuck. 

(I've convinced myself that even the chihuahua looks mildly embarrassed to be in the same photo with that hat.)
 
I'm kind of disappointed with whoever arranged this photo, though... Clearly, the thing to do here was to have the model's hair plaited into numerous small braids, then thread them through the openings in the hat so that they flopped every which way.  Such a missed opportunity!

Fancy That!

Isn't this crocheted dress fancy?

The color combo (gold and green-- like something an athletic team might select for their team colors)!

The ruffly split skirt!

The holey fabric of the front!

The neckline (and that limp ribbon bow tacked on as an afterthought)!

When you see a woman in this garment-- as she walks away-- somehow you can't help but think to yourself, "Wow, that's one fancy dress!"

Just Plain Ugly

Where to begin?

There's the whole "wear something underneath" aspect (as I call it), though technically enough is covered...

It's impossible to miss the pointless mesh element... (Seriously, why bother? That section is 98% air.)

And then there's the fact that this thing is just plain ugly.  Why don't any of the round bits match?  The one on the left is a hypnotic spiral, the one on the right is a dartboard, and the one on the bottom is a striped Easter egg.  (Clearly.)   Would it make a measurable improvement if they did?  (Unlikely.)

Hideous

I know I've poked fun at knitted and crocheted swimsuits before.  (I just can't seem to take them seriously.)  However, this one is a special kind of awful. 

Feast your eyes-- then dare try to tell me this isn't absolutely hideous:

The bottom-- unsettlingly like boy's briefs (from some horrifying alternative universe where boy's briefs are knitted). 

The top-- unspeakable. 

The whole thing looks like what you might get if you gave MacGyver* MacGruber a child's knitted sweater and a naked model and told him the fate of the world depended on his ability to dress her for the beach in under three minutes.

*I had to scratch out MacGyver's name there, because I think we all know that he could've come up with something better than this. 

Deep Pockets

Those are some huge pockets you got there, lady...

I betcha don't bother carrying a purse, do you?  'Cause you got two of them built right into that... jacket?  Or is that part of a scarf?  (No matter...)

You could probably fit a fair-sized load of groceries in those things, too. 
"Paper of plastic, ma'am?" 
"Oh, neither.  I'm wearing my pack-mule sweater today!"