Finishing Touch

While the puffy, fuzzy sleeves (and shoulder pads) might have been enough to set this sweater apart, the hat seals the deal.  Tulle netting and a ponytail emerging from the top of a pink cylinder?  SOLD!

Bad Hair x 2

First:  This 'do is the way to go if you want your hair to look thin and unhealthy:

(Poor guy...  He'd look so much better with a different haircut!)

...Then you have the mysterious world of high fashion, where rat's nest hair is (sometimes) not only tolerated, but even encouraged:

Looks like that electric guitar might have given her a slight case of electrocution. 

YarnYuck Mathematics

A nasty case of bedhead + bulky wrap with pompoms (nearly) the size of a baby's head = ...well, this:

Multiply by number of pompoms, then divide by the average model's innate chutzpah to calculate her level of humiliation.

Excess

Two hair-related excesses to be avoided by models and fashion photographers at all costs:

Excessive "add-drama-to-the-photo-shoot fan":

Excessive hair tossing:

Fluff & Fringe

Between the fluff and the fringe, one hardly knows where to look...

But two things:
First, this unflattering dress somehow manages to make a beautiful model look a little "thick" in the middle, which doesn't bode well for the rest of us. 

Second, would it have been so hard to edit out the ends of her hair that show right below her armpit?

Trying Too Hard

This is what "trying too hard" looks like:

Not a Hair Out of Place

It's just one disaster after another, with this photo:

Let's see...
There's the ugly chunk of black plastic on her arm... A sad attempt at a bracelet, or is it a piece of litter she found on the beach?

Then there are the excessive bobby-pins in her hair.  (Look, I know it can be windy on the beach, but at some point you've got to accept the possibility that your hair may move.)

However, it's unlikely that anyone will notice either of those lesser offenses, because, hello, HIDEOUS CROCHET SWIMSUIT.

Brown and orange... lots of holes in the fabric (one of the chief complaints against crochet swimwear)... a bottom half that is far from slimming... and then that pathetic strip connecting the top and bottom... It's just one bundle of gratuitous EWW.

(Or maybe that's what everyone's wearing to the beach these days.)

"High" Fashion

There's not much emphasis on the yarn in this one, but you'll not go starving for the yuck!

Sometimes (most times?) when you look at so-called high fashion, you can't help thinking that yes, someone must've been very "high" indeed to come up with such bizarre ideas. 

Ideas like tumbleweed hair:

Or ideas like scary eye makeup:

(Sheesh!  Don't her eyes look big enough as they are, without adding a half-inch of eyeliner??)

Or even ideas like... whatever the heck this is supposed to be:

(Hey, look!  There's yarn in that last one!  And what a poor use of it, too...)

Medusa

I have to admit, I'm not the kind of woman who spends a lot of time styling her hair.  A ponytail is about as advanced as I get, these days.  So it's such a help when the pattern photographs show me how I "should" wear my hair to accentuate my rather unappealing crocheted top:

Medusa hair! 
See?  I never would've thought of doing that on my own...

...But it totally works!

Wisps

Here's one more accessory I advise you to avoid:

Hats with built-in wisps of grey hair-- like the hair you'd expect to see on some horror movie version of a frail, elderly woman.

(Take it or leave it, of course.  It's your life.)

Static

Yikes!

Ok, who's been rubbing a balloon on the model's hair this time...?  Roger?  Was it you, Andy?  Seriously, guys, her staticky hair is going to distract the audience from the knit... thingums she's wearing.  ...You know what?  Bring that balloon back over here.  Yeah, let's see if we can get even more of her hair to stand up.  Oh, and hand over that scrap of yarn, too.  I've got an idea...

Mousy Hair

It's always sad to see this...

Another model's mood soured by Mickey Mouse ears hair.

How Dreadful!

Look, it's pretty simple:  Either you make the commitment to dreadlocks as a hairstyle (or is it a lifestyle. . .?) or you find a way to live without them.

You most certainly can't have it both ways. 
(That just looks ridiculous.)

(Sometimes I feel almost guilty for making fun of things-- particularly hats.  It's just too easy.)
 

EPIC Bad Hair Day

In the world of knitwear modeling, there are bad hair days. . .

("Oops.  Forgot to comb my hair this morning.  Or. . . take my hair out of the ponytail after going to the gym. . . a week ago.")

And then there are EPIC bad hair days. . .

("I am currently battling a bad-hair demon.  My priest assures me we can have the problem cleared up within a few weeks.")

Eek. 
That is some bad, bad hair. 

Whatever possessed the stylist to do something like that?  On purpose? 

It almost looks like the poor model is fighting back the tears.  And I can't blame her.  That 'do is painfully bad.  No, I mean it looks like it might actually be causing her physical pain. 

A Fringe Too Far

It takes a brave woman to wear a vest that looks like it might have been made from her own hair:

Yes, Virginia, there is such a thing as too much fringe, and I think we're looking at it right. now. . .

(Well, at least she had the decency to wear something underneath it.)

It's a Three-fer!

Here we have a fine example of the combination of three of the major tenets of Yarn Yuck: Outdated Hair, Awkward Pose, and Ugly Sweater:

Outdated Hair:  Feathered bangs reaching ever skyward.   Need I say more?

Awkward Pose:  Tell me, how often do you find yourself in this position?  One knee in the seat of a chair, one elbow resting artfully on the back, one hand stuffed in your (apparently quite capacious) trouser pocket.  Oh yeah, that's perfectly natural.  It's obviously been carefully selected to highlight the shape of the sweater she's modeling, which brings us to. . .

Ugly Sweater:  Maybe I'm prejudiced against this one.  Maybe it's not really that bad.  I just don't like these huge, weirdly-shaped (one might even say shapeless) sweaters-- the ones where the sleeves seem to originate from the waistline.  The "Henry the 8th in his fatter years" look.  (Yick.)  However, the frequency with which I find them suggests that maybe most people like this look. . . which, rest assured, will in no way prevent me from continuing to mock them.

Hairdo? Hair-Don't!

How best to show off a new knit? 

Try slouching a bit, first.  (Bad posture is a must.)

And if at all possible, wear your hair like this:

. . . It's almost like they wanted to distract you from even noticing the sweater (or whatever the proper terminology is for that garment).  I mean, it's plain enough as it is-- not bad per se, but definitely vanilla-- and then they throw in that weird braid-headband thing. . .

Yep, definitely trying to distract you from the knitwear. 

Something on Your Head. . .

Excuse me, miss, but you seem to have something on your head. . .
 
Ah, forgive me.  I see now; it is merely your hat:

And oh, look!  It's the Mad Hatter's charming wife, the Maniacal Milliner:

She throws the most delightful tea parties, I hear. . . The sort of fancy affairs where you might run into the likes of Ms. Vaguely-Ethnic Hat:

. . . Or even (if you're most fortunate) Mrs. Bobble-Stitch Volcano-Head.  (A very old family.)

Ooh, excuse me just one teensy little moment, won't you?
 --Oh, gir-rels!  I think I've actually spotted something unexpected on your heads, this time.  Two mammoth butterflies, if I'm not mistaken. . .

Oh, just bows. . . So sorry.  Awfully smashing sweaters you have there, though.  Don't let me keep you, dears.  Run along home to mummy!

. . . Well, I'm sure I didn't mean to cause offense, but did you ever see such unflattering things?  One has to be so careful when selecting hats and bows, hasn't one?  It's so easy to end up looking perfectly ridiculous, isn't it?

Yes.  That's why I prefer to go hatless: