Feast your eyes-- then dare try to tell me this isn't absolutely hideous:
The bottom-- unsettlingly like boy's briefs (from some horrifying alternative universe where boy's briefs are knitted).
The top-- unspeakable.
The whole thing looks like what you might get if you gave
*I had to scratch out MacGyver's name there, because I think we all know that he could've come up with something better than this.