Brains!

Alluring zombie bikini model:

 ...in a crocheted bikini.

Shudder

This is obviously meant to be art. . .

. . . but it still gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Spooky

Lovely little sweater. 
Totally creepy expression on the model's face.

(I can't shake this feeling that something is about to pounce on her from behind-- something horrible and deadly and generally unpleasant.)

I Heart You

The heart on this sweet little red and white hat isn't fooling me. 

She's obviously not feelin' the love.


Creepy.
I can't decide if she's an alien disguised as a human (those vertical-looking pupils! those lips!), or just a cold-blooded killer.

Get Crackin'!

Yikes!  
It's a gang of creepy crocheted Nutcrackers (whose purpose is purely decorative, as they have no moving parts and therefore couldn't crack a nut to save their stuffing)!!

Try not to panic.  Remember:  They're more afraid of you than you are of them...

Poor things.  They're really more pathetic than anything else.

Pretty (Scary) in Pink

These two ladies seem to be saying, "Yeah, sure.  You can dress me in pink all you want... I can counteract your sickly sweet, frou-frou, blushing pink crap just like that."

 
"See what I mean?"

~Shiver~

"Chilly Winters & His Snowflakes"...

Chilly gives me the creeps. 

I suppose that shovel is for clearing paths of snow, but... he makes me think of an eerie gravedigger (and who's to say he doesn't also use it for the occasional decapitation?).

Creepy Boyfriend

To Kathleen he was only her boyfriend, Rick-- the man who brought her flowers and held her in his strong, handsomely be-sweatered arms.  She hadn't told anyone yet, but she was pretty sure he was The One.  Others, however, sometimes caught a glimpse of something different... and shuddered slightly in his presence without knowing exactly why...

Guardian of the Stash

We're continuing the celebration of the Spooky Month with (sometimes only vaguely) creepy, eerie and/or shudderiffic Yarn Yuck.

Today, I give you the Female Chucky Yarn Guard:

On one hand, I'm transfixed with horror.  (Those eternally staring blue eyes!  They follow you around the room!)

On the other, man, she must be the most effective protector of yarn ever.  No-one will dare lay a finger on your stash with this doll guarding it.  (In fact, they'll probably turn around and flee the room as soon as they've spotted her.)

What the Hellbeast?!

You have to give some credit to the creator of this three-headed dragon in macramé...

I mean, at least s/he was trying to get away from the inevitable macramé owl...
But even so...
That credit only goes so far.

Ssssss

The macramé cobra-- just the thing to add a little interest to your home décor this season.  Makes an elegant centerpiece for the fall table (particularly when placed smack-dab in front of an unwelcome dinner guest).

If cobras are a little too exotic for your taste, maybe you'll be more partial to this knitted rattlesnake scarf-- an attention-grabbing accessory if ever there was one!

Bonus:  If you have disobedient children, plant the suggestion that Mr. Snaky doesn't like noisy kids (or nose-pickers, whiners, etc. as fits the occasion) and has been known to come to life and bite naughty boys and girls.  Provides hours of amusement!

Week of Clown Horror, Day 7

It's the last day of our Week of Clown Horror!  So, let me see. What do I have for you today...?

Ah, yes!  Here we go...:

It's a potholder (...or hot pad... I think...) that looks like a very angry, very DEAD clown... 

Just what you always wanted, huh?

...Oh, and if I were you, I wouldn't insult his lady-friend there.  I've heard that zombie clowns have wicked tempers.

Week of Clown Horror, Day 6

Remember the "Pottie Peekers" from last week?  Yeah?  Ok, here's an eco-friendly model:

...You're wondering what's so eco-friendly about it, aren't you?   Well, look at it this way:  If you have to confront this each time you reach for a little more t.p., you're going to make every square count.

The downside of this particular Pottie Peeker is that with him sitting there, staring unblinkingly at you the whole time, you may just find yourself too scared to "go" at all...

Week of Clown Horror, Day 5

I have something really special for you, today-- something you won't find on just any old yarn-themed blog...

Straight from an old-timey carnival sideshow... or maybe a spooky, run-down traveling circus:  It's 75% clown, 25% monkey (of all things!)... and 100% shivery-shuddery creepy. (And ok, maybe like 15% cute, if they got rid of that nasty green loop-fringe hair... if you like monkeys.)

Week of Clown Horror, Day 4

KID!  Look out!!
Did you not read yesterday's Yarn Yuck entry?  (For shame.)

You've forgotten the cardinal rule of dealing with clown toys!  (Which is:) Never let them get their arms around your neck*.   ('Specially the ones wearing striped clothes...)  I tell you, they like nothing better than strangling innocent children!

Whatever you do, don't look into those huge, flat, lifeless eyes...
If you do, you'll never be the same again!

*See Poltergeist for further information on this subject.

Week of Clown Horror, Day 3

The pox-ridden sunshine looks frightened...  So does the... (what is that thing?)... er, the blue disc with legs...

What could have them so wide-eyed with fear?

Eeeek!
It's a freakishly long-legged, long-armed clown!!
(Yes, I know.  A clown.  On Day 3 of our Week of Clown Horror.  Who would've thunk it, right?)

Ever since I saw parts of Poltergeist as a child, I've associated long-armed clowns with horror-- as is only logical, even if you haven't seen Poltergeist.  Well, really, what else are those long arms (and/or legs) for, if not strangling? 

(The red-haired sun and... Little Miss Blue-Dot probably have nothing to fear, though, as neither of them have a neck to strangle.)

Week of Clown Horror, Day 2

Maybe it's a bit of a stretch, but this cartoonish character looks clownish to me...

And furthermore, the girl in the photo doesn't look very happy to be there with it:

As if it's not bad enough they make her wear a sweater with the clown-troll character, she's also forced to hold a doll of the clown-troll character.  (The loopy red yarn hair!  The hideous poof-nose!  The buck teeth!)

...You poor little thing.  Come with us.  We'll take you away from this place, somewhere where you'll never, ever have to pretend to like clown-troll cartoon characters-- ever again!

Week of Clown Horror BEGINS

In honor of the Spooky Month (a.k.a. October), I've begun posting scary, eerie and/or vaguely troubling Yarn Yuck.

As part of this Octoberiffic celebration, I don't think we can go wrong with a Week of Clown Horror.

Many people find clowns creepy, if not downright terrifying.
If you're not one of those people, you can just look at this as a Week of Clown Fun...

Yep.  Lots and lots of fun...

"Clown Pillow"... Not the type of pillow you put under your head, I hope, because, well, EWWWW.  It'd be too much like cuddling up with and kissing a clown.  And yet... not the type of pillow you just toss around as decorative elements on the bed or sofa, either, I hope... because... well, again, EWWWW.

...Seriously... Look at that thing.  If you don't see anything the slightest bit shuddery about clowns, you might want to think about talking things over with a psychologist...

Gnome

A couple of days ago we had PIXIE; today there's Gnome:

Gnome is disturbing on a couple of levels. 

First, there's the obvious horror of Gnome's face.  I mean, what is that thing?  My best guess:  a bit of sheer stocking stuffed and stitched into shape... with a couple of what look like wiggly eyes glued on (with the greatest of skill).  However it's made, it is awful. 

Second, this is something a person is supposed to want to make?  Really?  It looks like someone took a shaggy mop, the aforesaid stocking-face o' horror, and a length of black string... and did their best to make a toy out of it.  (I am assuming this is meant to be a toy. If you know better, by all means, spread the word in the comment section!)  I suppose that since children in the Olden Times were happy enough playing with corncob dolls, this could pass as a toy-- in a pinch-- but can't we do better, with all the crafting resources available these days?  (And couldn't they have done better in the 70s or 80s-- whenever this thing was published?)  Come on, crafters, let's put a little more effort into it, shall we?

Dare You Peek?

Today's yarny horror is known as a "Pottie Peeker". 

Yes, you read that right. 
Here it is again, cutely decorated with scrolls of toilet paper:

 

Now, you may be asking yourself, "What exactly is a Pottie Peeker?  Or do I even want to know?"

Well, according to the vintage magazine in which I found them, "it's a characterization of a person or animal especially for the bathroom.  It's also a dispenser for bathroom tissue". 

"Oh," you're now thinking.  "One of those.  Aren't they just the upper half of a Barbie doll wearing a (crocheted) dress with a full (crocheted) skirt that 'artfully' conceals a roll of t.p.?  Yeah, already seen that.  Next!" 

But not so hasty, friend!  No, not all toilet paper beauty aids (protectors? I d'know.  What's their purpose, anyway?) come in doll-dress format.  No, they sometimes look like cakes, poodles, sushi rolls-- there are even some that are made to look like a roll of toilet paper.  (That just blew your mind, didn't it? ...Well, unless you've already seen it done, maybe...)

Anyway, back to the point.  Those doll-dress t.p. covers are so twentieth-century boring.  Besides, all they do is cover a roll of t.p.-- pointless!  Why would you settle for that when you could have a toilet paper dispenser like this?

A toilet paper dispenser that feeds the t.p. out of a (crocheted) dog's behind?  Awesome!!  ...is what we're apparently supposed to be thinking when we see this.  What I actually think is closer to this:  *pause to give the poor brain time to process this bizarre concept* What?? Why? Ew... And... do I really want a t.p. dispenser made of something soft, absorbant, and difficult to keep clean?  This is, after all, something that will be touched by (or come awfully close to being touched by) possibly "soiled" hands... Aw, I'm overthinking this.  I don't need to defend or explain my position.  Just look at the thing!

Consider yourself horrified for the day.