Tassel of DOOM

I'm not sure what's the worst aspect of this hat...

A)  The knit-covered "bill",
B)  The stripes of fuzzy-wuzzy, pink eyelash yarn,
C)  The general slouchiness of the thing,
or
D)  The humongous (pink novelty yarn) tassel of DOOM!!

...Why is there never an "all of the above" option when you need it most?!