Acid/Neon Green

Between the color and the meshy, "wear-something-underneathness" of the fabric, I am horrified. 

And that doesn't even take into consideration the "lace-up" aspect. 

Yuck.

(Snake) Charming

I know that in some cultures the snake is revered, but I just can't get over my Western urge to shudder at this sweater...  Really?  Of all the possible ways to decorate a sweater, this is what the designer settled on?

Eco-Friendly

This eco-friendly jacket is constructed of recycled mop heads.
...Ok, not really, but it sort of looks like it is...

Fugly

Sometimes something's just plain fugly, and there's not much more to be said about it.

Finishing Touch

While the puffy, fuzzy sleeves (and shoulder pads) might have been enough to set this sweater apart, the hat seals the deal.  Tulle netting and a ponytail emerging from the top of a pink cylinder?  SOLD!

Spoiled for Topics

 

Oh, gosh.
This is another of those "where to start" situations.  That is one seriously crazy dress!

How do I mock thee, dress?  Let me count the ways!

1. The openwork skirt.  Look closely; you can see her thighs through the holey fabric.  (I, for one, prefer not to put my underwear on display, but I'm kind of old-fashioned like that...)
2. The big holes in the bodice.  (Why are they there?)
3. The HUGE hole in the back of the dress.  (And the odd strands connecting the top to the skirt.)
4. The ugly yarn.  (Yes, I'm being judgmental of the yarn.  I just don't like it.)
5. The row of fringe (?) about halfway down each sleeve.
6. The spiral fringe at the neckline.  (On top of everything else, it's just too much.)

But hey, apart from that, it's actually not too bad for a knitted/crocheted dress.  I like the length of the sleeves and skirt, the ruffles at the sleeves... the fit... It we could just address the items on my mocking list...

Retrolicious

Ooh!  Matching vest and leg-warmers!  And a poodle-perm to boot!

The Real Deal

After yesterday's modern(ish) wanna-be-hippie-mama, it seemed fitting to feature the genuine article, today. 

Now, I know his hair isn't quite as long and oily as you'd probably like.  (I was a little disappointed on that front, myself...) But just look at that shirt/tunic.  You can't wear something like that unless you're a licensed, card-carrying hippie-dude.  (Or so I've been told.)

Bejeweled

Don't even think about wearing this top unless your bellybutton is dripping in diamonds. 
(Oh, and elastic-band gym pants are the only way to go, too.)

Bulk

Yes, bulky yarn works up fast...

...but how soon do you really need that slubby ear-flap hat?

Dramatic Statements, Day Three

You can't fail to see the high drama brought out in our first (top) model by that stunning yellow sweater!  This time, the designer has upped the ante by adding beads to the fringe.  (Such spunk!)  Wear this with a pair of black gloves (the better to accentuate your dramatic hand posing), and people will be staring from two football fields away. 

For a more understated but still eye-riveting effect, try our second sweater of the day.  An attention-getter when layered over a simple black top, just imagine the effect when you do away with the first layer!  (Comes with matching rope-fringe hair ornament.)

Dramatic Statements, Day Two

First, we have a reworking of the ropey fringe, this time in combination with triangles and kite-shaped appliques of futuristic, metallic fabric.  You can tell from the young model's pose alone that she knows she's making a dramatic statement.

Then we have a charming mother-and-daughter team of dramatic sweaters.  They share similar dynamic designs of circular appliques and dots, but the mother's sweater also sports shoulder pads of a thickness and heft that the daughter does not yet have the years or aplomb to carry off with success.  Don't worry, dear.  Your time will come!

Dramatic Statements, Day One

Ladies, please direct your attention to the sweater on the left.  It's a violet vision of springtime with a liberal scattering of yellow and green bows-- like so many delicate butterflies-- and just a hint of lattice-like strips of mesh for superior ventilation. 

For the more daring woman, we proudly present the article on the right.  Colorful ropes of fringe form a bold diagonal across the body of the sweater, with a gathering of matching pompoms roosting on the left shoulder.  Pair it with black leggings and leather gloves and you will surely command every eye in the room. 

Giraffe-Neck

#1:  If you don't need sleeves or the top fourth of your shirt, you probably don't need a neck-warmer, either.

#2:  The neck-warmer portion looks like someone made only the neck section of a turtleneck. 

#3:  I know that long, swanlike necks are supposed to be the ideal of beauty, but it's possible to take things too far, and this neck-warmer isn't helping matters.

Falling Leaves

I tell you, with the arrival of the first warm, humid days of the year, I'm already looking forward to autumn!  Maybe I can satisfy my longing for falling leaves with something like this:

Dangly Bits

...Wait. What did you think I meant by "dangly bits"?
Ugh!  Get your mind out of the gutter, won't you?

Anyway, I was referring to the dangly bits on the bottom edge of this knitted skirt:

So, what do you think?

Combination skirt/cat toy, perhaps?

Or you can take it off, wind it around your hand with the dangly bits loose, and let it double as a duster?

Ooh!  I know!  They're reusable knitted handkerchiefs.  You just reach down and pull one off as you need them.

Fake Sleeves

Well, sure, they were faster to make than real sleeves would've been, but honestly, who do you think you're fooling?

Just Grimace & Bear It

Today's YarnYuck was inspired by that lovable (???), purple McDonald's character, Grimace:

Go on; admit it.  You've always wanted to look a little more like him... her... it.  Haven't you?

Bell-Bottoming Out

Sometimes, knit and crochet come together in one pattern-- harmonizing beautifully-- complementing one another perfectly...

This is not one of those times:

...Is it just me, or do those ruffles look like they belong on a Latin American calypso costume?

YarnYuck Mathematics

A nasty case of bedhead + bulky wrap with pompoms (nearly) the size of a baby's head = ...well, this:

Multiply by number of pompoms, then divide by the average model's innate chutzpah to calculate her level of humiliation.