Perfectly Proportioned

This pom-pom is about 80-90% too big.  I mean, yeah.  It's only a hat for a doll.  But still, not even a doll wants to look ridiculous, right? 

Flower Power x 3

Too-- much-- flower-- power!-- Can't-- take-- all-- the-- loopy flowers!

I mean, seriously. 
The bag?  ...Well, ok. 
The hat?  Only if you insist. 
But what is that other thing-- the loopy flower garland that's draped all over her?  A bizarre mish-mash of choker, suspenders, and scarf? 

Finishing Touch

While the puffy, fuzzy sleeves (and shoulder pads) might have been enough to set this sweater apart, the hat seals the deal.  Tulle netting and a ponytail emerging from the top of a pink cylinder?  SOLD!

Granny Stitches Ain't for Everything

I like granny squares and "granny stripes" as much as the next person, but let's be honest:  It's not the right stitch pattern for everything.  For example-- this shirt and floppy hat.  They really shouldn't exist, and it's a crying shame that they do.

Bulk

Yes, bulky yarn works up fast...

...but how soon do you really need that slubby ear-flap hat?

Don't Tread On Me

It's probably just me, but the pattern on this scarf and hat remind me of tire treads... with the result that it feels like this poor lady has tire tracks running up her body and over the top of her head...

Or, if you're part of the 99.9% of the population who looks at the photo and thinks, "Tire treads?  I don't see it...", then how about this?:

Wow.  Look at all that fringe on the sides of her scarf.  And the hat, with the fringe on just the sides.  It looks weird.  Also: Why are there holes in scarf?  Doesn't that kind of... I don't know, defeat the purpose?  (Don't bring up the fact that many scarves are meant as fashion statements more than for warmth, please.)

In Your Easter Bonnet

Who knew that a crocheted doily and a bouquet of silk flowers plopped on top of your head could be so fetching?!

Pooch Week: Ear Supplements

First:  "Why, Mommy?  Why?"

Second:  Ear supplements for dogs, an important issue we first brought to your attention in this post. 

Unfurgettable

I must admit, I don't usually have a problem with people wearing fur. 
However, even I might be tempted to throw a bucket of red paint on this fur-trimmed hat:

...And I don't care whether it's genuine or artificial! 

Multiple Choice

So, help me with a little something, please...

Is that thing on her hand:
A)  a fuzzy oven mitt,
B)  a bath mitt,
C)  a kinder, gentler boxing glove,
or
D)  a polar bear themed mitten?

The Kook Factor

I'm all for using up those little scraps of yarn (waste not, want not, you know!), but it's important to take into account the kook factor such a random mishmash of stripes and pools of color can introduce to a piece...

Not everyone can pull off this look without seeming slightly ridiculous. 

On the other hand, no-one will ever miss you in a crowd.  ("I'll be the one in the crazily striped hat with the big, yellow, crocheted rose on it.")

Showdown

What?  You didn't get enough weird and/or ugly hats in yesterday's post?  Well, alright.  Lucky for you, there's more!

...In fact, you could even say it's an ugly hat showdown of sorts:

Let's see... Which of my many weird crocheted hats shall I wear today? 
Decisions, decisions!

Something Different

Tired of boring old regular-looking hats? 
Well, have I got some headgear for you!

Whether you crown your hat with a bizarre ruffle or a few dangling bits of mystery fur, at least you'll stand out in a crowd.

"Back to the Future"

If, like me, you've noticed that it's kind of chilly out there, lately, and you're in the mood to make yourself a nice, cozy hat-- and you actually have the spare time to do so, because you haven't assigned yourself a crazy amount of handmade gifts to finish by the end of December...

...then I'd like to be able to tell you I found the perfect pattern for you... but I haven't.

Well, not unless you want it to look like you knit it out of a steel scourer:

(You know, those stainless steel scouring pads people use in the kitchen sink?  Isn't that just what this monstrosity looks like?  Also, what's up with the joined shoulders?  Futuristic?  ...Possibly.  Strange choice?  Definitely.)

"Back to the Future," it says...
If that's the future, I guess I'll be living in the past.

It Sherpa Looks Odd to Me...

I continually run across this type of hat (which is apparently called a "sherpa hat") in my quest for Yarn Yuck.  I'm sure they're cozy and warm, what with the ear flaps and all... And the fuzzy yarn probably makes them soft...

But... but...
They look so silly!

Eh, well, to each her own tolerance level for the silly.
(It may too easy for me to judge, living in this humid subtropical climate zone...)

Veg Head

Little Jimmy would never completely forgive his mother for making him wear the vegetable stalk hat.  I mean really!  What was the woman thinking?

Chunky

Too-chunky yarn strikes again!

Don't you hate it when your disproportionately chunky accessories make you look like a Barbie dressed in something lovingly knit (in worsted weight) by Mom or Grandma?  The intentions were good, the fashion sense... not so much.

Bobble-Head

No, no.  Not that kind of bobble-head. 

This kind of bobble-head:

Ms. Model doesn't look very happy in her bobble-stitch visor-headband-thing... 
Or maybe it's the ruffle-collared cape. 

It's hard to tell, sometimes.

Bzzzz

Citizens of Blogopolis!

Meet the Bee Babe-- strange visitor from another planet colony (you know, like a colony of bees?)!

Faster than a speeding bullet a really fast knitter!
More powerful than a locomotive titanium knitting needle!
Able to leap tall buildings yarn stashes in a single bound!

(Cool!  I want to dress like a bee in stilettos, too!)

Wisps

Here's one more accessory I advise you to avoid:

Hats with built-in wisps of grey hair-- like the hair you'd expect to see on some horror movie version of a frail, elderly woman.

(Take it or leave it, of course.  It's your life.)