Dramatic Statements, Day Three

You can't fail to see the high drama brought out in our first (top) model by that stunning yellow sweater!  This time, the designer has upped the ante by adding beads to the fringe.  (Such spunk!)  Wear this with a pair of black gloves (the better to accentuate your dramatic hand posing), and people will be staring from two football fields away. 

For a more understated but still eye-riveting effect, try our second sweater of the day.  An attention-getter when layered over a simple black top, just imagine the effect when you do away with the first layer!  (Comes with matching rope-fringe hair ornament.)

Dramatic Statements, Day Two

First, we have a reworking of the ropey fringe, this time in combination with triangles and kite-shaped appliques of futuristic, metallic fabric.  You can tell from the young model's pose alone that she knows she's making a dramatic statement.

Then we have a charming mother-and-daughter team of dramatic sweaters.  They share similar dynamic designs of circular appliques and dots, but the mother's sweater also sports shoulder pads of a thickness and heft that the daughter does not yet have the years or aplomb to carry off with success.  Don't worry, dear.  Your time will come!

Dramatic Statements, Day One

Ladies, please direct your attention to the sweater on the left.  It's a violet vision of springtime with a liberal scattering of yellow and green bows-- like so many delicate butterflies-- and just a hint of lattice-like strips of mesh for superior ventilation. 

For the more daring woman, we proudly present the article on the right.  Colorful ropes of fringe form a bold diagonal across the body of the sweater, with a gathering of matching pompoms roosting on the left shoulder.  Pair it with black leggings and leather gloves and you will surely command every eye in the room. 

Dangly Bits

...Wait. What did you think I meant by "dangly bits"?
Ugh!  Get your mind out of the gutter, won't you?

Anyway, I was referring to the dangly bits on the bottom edge of this knitted skirt:

So, what do you think?

Combination skirt/cat toy, perhaps?

Or you can take it off, wind it around your hand with the dangly bits loose, and let it double as a duster?

Ooh!  I know!  They're reusable knitted handkerchiefs.  You just reach down and pull one off as you need them.

Not-So-Concealed Carry

These days, women need to be able to protect themselves.  There are some real sickos out there, you know.  No wonder, then, that many women obtain a permit to carry a concealed weapon. 

Most of the time, you can keep that pistol (or what have you) stashed in your bag or wear it under your clothes.  However, what's a girl to do when she's headed to the beach?  There's nowhere to stow her gun in a typical swimsuit, but she doesn't want to sacrifice her sense of style for safety...

It used to be a real problem-- but no more!  Not with the crocheted bikini holster!  Your firearm will stay nestled close against your midriff, always within easy reach!

And it's so becoming, too!

"Go ahead.  Make my day."

(So you don't think it really looks that much like a holster, huh?  Well, what is the purpose of that strange flap, then, smartypants?  Huh? Huh?)

Kicking the Habit

Here's another for the "wow, you really do have too much time on your hands, don't you?" file:

Look!  They're crocheted cozies for your "Quit Smoking" or "No Swearing" penalty jars!  Aren't they just the cutest?! 

Ok, ok.  These things probably work up in no time at all... and I guess they are kind of funny.  If I had someone to give one to, I might be tempted to try the pattern, though some might look upon it as an odd gift.  ("Here, honey, this is to help you stop swearing so I can finally introduce you to my parents.  Oh, and while you're at it, stop smoking, too.")

Fashion No-No Italiano

(Because it came from an Italian magazine, I think...)

This was probably ground-breaking haute couture.  I can tell by the way that there's no way on the good earth I would ever be caught dead in it (in this exact configuration, at least).

Briefs on top of red leggings?  Cool!

Don't Tread On Me

It's probably just me, but the pattern on this scarf and hat remind me of tire treads... with the result that it feels like this poor lady has tire tracks running up her body and over the top of her head...

Or, if you're part of the 99.9% of the population who looks at the photo and thinks, "Tire treads?  I don't see it...", then how about this?:

Wow.  Look at all that fringe on the sides of her scarf.  And the hat, with the fringe on just the sides.  It looks weird.  Also: Why are there holes in scarf?  Doesn't that kind of... I don't know, defeat the purpose?  (Don't bring up the fact that many scarves are meant as fashion statements more than for warmth, please.)

All Tied Up

Beyond the obvious kookiness of this outfit (the skirt in particular, obviously), my favorite thing about this layout is the way it shows just about every possible way you can wear it:

With "ribbons" in place, tied. 
With "ribbons" in place, not tied.
With "ribbons" out, wrapped around your waist like a belt.
With "ribbons" nowhere in sight. (Where ARE they? I must know!)
 
But who in her right mind would ever wear that thing with the "ribbons" out?

Oops, no, I meant to type, "Who in her right mind would ever wear that thing?"-- period.

What in the...

What is this thing?

Is it some bizarre scarf-type thing, or is it attached to the sweater?  ...And either way, wow.

Artsy-Fartsy

Artistic or just plain odd? 

(I've made up my mind, but of course I wouldn't want to influence your opinion.)

Not Pulling It Off...

She knew they were the hot item this season, but somehow Roberta couldn't shake the feeling that her turban seemed out of place with the rest of her outfit. 

Kooky

Want to secure your identity as the neighborhood "eccentric"?

You can't go wrong with a kooky vest:

What better use for scraps of yarn?

Barnacle Babe

Somehow I fail to see the appeal of clothes that resemble a thriving colony of barnacles...

It would go nicely with these polyp accessories, though (perhaps in different colors)...
Ooh, and how could I forget this old gem?!

Ticker-Tape

As you dress for whatever fabulous New Year's Eve party you'll be attending tonight, I bet you'll wish you had one of these:

Why wait for the clock to strike midnight to be covered in streamers and confetti? 

(I love it that they had her model it multiple times-- and the only things the changed were her stockings, shoes, and necklace.  Oh, and they slightly curled her hair.  Makes all the difference in the world.  Apparently.)

Last Minute Crafting

Just realized you accidentally left someone off your Christmas gift list? 

Not to worry!  We've got you covered. You can whip up this no-effort necklace in the blink of an eye! 

Simply twist together a couple small skeins of yarn (we know you have some to spare), and voilà!  A "unique" gift sure to fill the recipient with delight joy speechlessness:

I dare you to find an easier, faster yarn-based hand-crafted gift!

Stocking Stuffers

Looking for a darling little something to plop-- er, pop into a loved one's stocking?
Yeah, well, wish I could help you with that.

I've heard of crappy gifts, but this is ridiculous...

Now, don't go and spoil my fun by pointing out that they're probably supposed to be (earless, legless) hamsters, or something.  I'm perfectly happy believing they are t**d toys with wiggly eyes, teensy black noses, and hair-bows. 

When Designers Snap...

Horror can result when members of certain professions suddenly lose their footing in reality.  You wouldn't want to be in an airplane, for instance, when the pilot goes berserk.  An armed policeman who suddenly loses his marbles?  Again, not a good thing.

While the stakes may not be quite as high in the stressful field of fashion design, the yarny carnage can still be stomach-turning:

Can you guess my favorite part of this design?

No, not the row of ribbon bows up the front...

No, not the meshy fabric of the skirt, either...

The sparkly yarn "necklace"?  Nah, that's almost normal by comparison with the rest of this ensemble. 

It's not even the poofy silver sleeves (though they come in a close second).

My very favorite parts are those slits over the front (and back) of the thighs.  Classy.

Showdown

What?  You didn't get enough weird and/or ugly hats in yesterday's post?  Well, alright.  Lucky for you, there's more!

...In fact, you could even say it's an ugly hat showdown of sorts:

Let's see... Which of my many weird crocheted hats shall I wear today? 
Decisions, decisions!

Something Different

Tired of boring old regular-looking hats? 
Well, have I got some headgear for you!

Whether you crown your hat with a bizarre ruffle or a few dangling bits of mystery fur, at least you'll stand out in a crowd.