Help! I've Fallen...

"Help!  I've fallen in my skin-tight sequined leopard print skirt and baggy metallic sweater with fuzzy, striped sleeves... and I can't get up!"

Carefree

Sure, the cover says it's "carefree"...

...but I don't care what they say:  Someone always ends up hurt (and maybe bleeding) in those "free love" situations.

(Ok, maybe it's just me, but that pose makes it look like the girls are sharing Eric Forman, there.) 

How many of you want one of those groovy granny-square-and-stripes tops?  Actually, I do kind of like the sleeves... They're kind of a toned-down, mild-mannered version of Molly Weasley's sleeves.

Finishing Touch

While the puffy, fuzzy sleeves (and shoulder pads) might have been enough to set this sweater apart, the hat seals the deal.  Tulle netting and a ponytail emerging from the top of a pink cylinder?  SOLD!

Retrolicious

Ooh!  Matching vest and leg-warmers!  And a poodle-perm to boot!

The Real Deal

After yesterday's modern(ish) wanna-be-hippie-mama, it seemed fitting to feature the genuine article, today. 

Now, I know his hair isn't quite as long and oily as you'd probably like.  (I was a little disappointed on that front, myself...) But just look at that shirt/tunic.  You can't wear something like that unless you're a licensed, card-carrying hippie-dude.  (Or so I've been told.)

Cornucopia

Just in case you thought crocheted and knitted food was purely a recent phenomenon:

Nope.  They've been floating around out there since at least 1981. 

Paging the Posture Patrol

Ever hear older people talking about how young folks these days don't care about posture or understand how much it affects one's appearance (not to mention health, attitude, etc.)?  Well, be that as it may, it seems that poor posture isn't a purely modern invention:

Personally, I blame the photographer and layout designer.  Why couldn't they have afforded this poor lady another inch or two of space above her head, so she wouldn't have to lean to one side like that to avoid bumping her head on the title?   

So inconsiderate!

Sporty

This is just what my husband needs, the next time he goes pheasant shooting:

Pumpkin King

This...

...is what Jack Skellington (of Nightmare Before Christmas fame) looked like before he passed.  (I assure you, it's completely true.)

Matched Set

This vintage cover boasts that it features six matched sets.
And boy, they weren't kidding about the "matched" part...

"I daren't set a toe outside the house if my socks and tie don't match my sweater-vest.  Mother raised me right!"

Raise Your Hand!

"Raise your hand-- raise your hand... if you're Sure!"

(It almost looks like she's sneaking a little "am I still fresh?" sniff...)

Retro Granny Square Dress

Here's another for the granny square file:

Let's say you can get past the fact that this is a granny square dress... What's with that thin dark line on the bodice?  If you must have a thin dark line, wouldn't you put it where the bodice meets the skirt?  Not a few inches above that?  Weird.

Nostalgia for the Past

Oh, for those glorious days of yore when women were women and men were men! 

Ah, for pearls and aprons and all sorts of truly feminine clothes! 

Like bed jackets!

Why don't women wear bed jackets any more?

...Oh.  That's why.

(Some of you will probably swoon over this jacket.  I just can't get past those weird sleeves...)

Projects of Last Resort

There are certain things that, when I see them, make me think, "Wow, you must've been knitting/crocheting for a long time, that you've had to resort to making that...  Got a thousand scarves, huh?  Closet's stuffed with sweaters?  All the beds piled high with afghans?  Doilies, placemats, table runners, "casserole coasters", etc. on every horizontal surface?  ...So you started making these..."

This is one of those objects:

The caption:  "Simple chair or table boot protects wood floors from scratches." 

Uh-huh.  Yes.  Yes, I'm sure they do...

What's next-- fork and knife cozies to prevent scratches on your china?

Practically Perfect!

This crocheted hat brings back memories of Mary Poppins: 

I suppose it's not awful. . . It just feels like the kind of thing no real (modern-day) person would ever wear.

Maybe it's a shame, but people simply don't wear hats like they used to-- to the point that most hats look a little silly from my thirty-something perspective.  (Sorry, hat-lovers.)

Here's another.  It's worse than the other (imho) because it's not even vaguely attractive. 

Of course, it doesn't help that the model is wearing a week's worth of eyeliner and eyebrow pencil. . . and is posing her hand in possibly the least natural position possible. . . Plus the name "pill box" just does not appeal.

Fathers, Lock Up Your Daughters!

I'm not sure what to say about this one. . .

The high waist. . . the fitted sleeves. . . the whole thing (including the guy in it and his pose). . .

He's basically every woman's most secret fantasy-hunk, come to life (well, er, come to vintage photo, at least).  (Ooh, baby!) 

Wipe that drool off your keyboards, ladies.  (I hear it wreaks havoc with electronics.)