Bewitching

"But Mo-om!  I said I wanted to dress up like a witch... not in a sweater decorated with a witch... (sigh)..."

(I don't really see the appeal of holiday-themed clothing, because, really, how many times a year can one wear a sweater decorated with a witch flying on her broomstick over an ancient Egyptian pyramid?)

Hope you're nibbling candy corn and other sugary goodies by the end of the evening!

~Shiver~

"Chilly Winters & His Snowflakes"...

Chilly gives me the creeps. 

I suppose that shovel is for clearing paths of snow, but... he makes me think of an eerie gravedigger (and who's to say he doesn't also use it for the occasional decapitation?).

Creepy Boyfriend

To Kathleen he was only her boyfriend, Rick-- the man who brought her flowers and held her in his strong, handsomely be-sweatered arms.  She hadn't told anyone yet, but she was pretty sure he was The One.  Others, however, sometimes caught a glimpse of something different... and shuddered slightly in his presence without knowing exactly why...

Guardian of the Stash

We're continuing the celebration of the Spooky Month with (sometimes only vaguely) creepy, eerie and/or shudderiffic Yarn Yuck.

Today, I give you the Female Chucky Yarn Guard:

On one hand, I'm transfixed with horror.  (Those eternally staring blue eyes!  They follow you around the room!)

On the other, man, she must be the most effective protector of yarn ever.  No-one will dare lay a finger on your stash with this doll guarding it.  (In fact, they'll probably turn around and flee the room as soon as they've spotted her.)

Masquerade

...Yeah, I'd want to wear a mask, too, in this outfit...

(But the mask itself is unmistakably an offense.)

What the Hellbeast?!

You have to give some credit to the creator of this three-headed dragon in macramé...

I mean, at least s/he was trying to get away from the inevitable macramé owl...
But even so...
That credit only goes so far.

Pumpkin King

This...

...is what Jack Skellington (of Nightmare Before Christmas fame) looked like before he passed.  (I assure you, it's completely true.)

Ssssss

The macramé cobra-- just the thing to add a little interest to your home décor this season.  Makes an elegant centerpiece for the fall table (particularly when placed smack-dab in front of an unwelcome dinner guest).

If cobras are a little too exotic for your taste, maybe you'll be more partial to this knitted rattlesnake scarf-- an attention-grabbing accessory if ever there was one!

Bonus:  If you have disobedient children, plant the suggestion that Mr. Snaky doesn't like noisy kids (or nose-pickers, whiners, etc. as fits the occasion) and has been known to come to life and bite naughty boys and girls.  Provides hours of amusement!

Week of Clown Horror, Day 7

It's the last day of our Week of Clown Horror!  So, let me see. What do I have for you today...?

Ah, yes!  Here we go...:

It's a potholder (...or hot pad... I think...) that looks like a very angry, very DEAD clown... 

Just what you always wanted, huh?

...Oh, and if I were you, I wouldn't insult his lady-friend there.  I've heard that zombie clowns have wicked tempers.

Week of Clown Horror, Day 6

Remember the "Pottie Peekers" from last week?  Yeah?  Ok, here's an eco-friendly model:

...You're wondering what's so eco-friendly about it, aren't you?   Well, look at it this way:  If you have to confront this each time you reach for a little more t.p., you're going to make every square count.

The downside of this particular Pottie Peeker is that with him sitting there, staring unblinkingly at you the whole time, you may just find yourself too scared to "go" at all...

Week of Clown Horror, Day 5

I have something really special for you, today-- something you won't find on just any old yarn-themed blog...

Straight from an old-timey carnival sideshow... or maybe a spooky, run-down traveling circus:  It's 75% clown, 25% monkey (of all things!)... and 100% shivery-shuddery creepy. (And ok, maybe like 15% cute, if they got rid of that nasty green loop-fringe hair... if you like monkeys.)

Week of Clown Horror, Day 4

KID!  Look out!!
Did you not read yesterday's Yarn Yuck entry?  (For shame.)

You've forgotten the cardinal rule of dealing with clown toys!  (Which is:) Never let them get their arms around your neck*.   ('Specially the ones wearing striped clothes...)  I tell you, they like nothing better than strangling innocent children!

Whatever you do, don't look into those huge, flat, lifeless eyes...
If you do, you'll never be the same again!

*See Poltergeist for further information on this subject.

Week of Clown Horror, Day 3

The pox-ridden sunshine looks frightened...  So does the... (what is that thing?)... er, the blue disc with legs...

What could have them so wide-eyed with fear?

Eeeek!
It's a freakishly long-legged, long-armed clown!!
(Yes, I know.  A clown.  On Day 3 of our Week of Clown Horror.  Who would've thunk it, right?)

Ever since I saw parts of Poltergeist as a child, I've associated long-armed clowns with horror-- as is only logical, even if you haven't seen Poltergeist.  Well, really, what else are those long arms (and/or legs) for, if not strangling? 

(The red-haired sun and... Little Miss Blue-Dot probably have nothing to fear, though, as neither of them have a neck to strangle.)

Week of Clown Horror, Day 2

Maybe it's a bit of a stretch, but this cartoonish character looks clownish to me...

And furthermore, the girl in the photo doesn't look very happy to be there with it:

As if it's not bad enough they make her wear a sweater with the clown-troll character, she's also forced to hold a doll of the clown-troll character.  (The loopy red yarn hair!  The hideous poof-nose!  The buck teeth!)

...You poor little thing.  Come with us.  We'll take you away from this place, somewhere where you'll never, ever have to pretend to like clown-troll cartoon characters-- ever again!

Week of Clown Horror BEGINS

In honor of the Spooky Month (a.k.a. October), I've begun posting scary, eerie and/or vaguely troubling Yarn Yuck.

As part of this Octoberiffic celebration, I don't think we can go wrong with a Week of Clown Horror.

Many people find clowns creepy, if not downright terrifying.
If you're not one of those people, you can just look at this as a Week of Clown Fun...

Yep.  Lots and lots of fun...

"Clown Pillow"... Not the type of pillow you put under your head, I hope, because, well, EWWWW.  It'd be too much like cuddling up with and kissing a clown.  And yet... not the type of pillow you just toss around as decorative elements on the bed or sofa, either, I hope... because... well, again, EWWWW.

...Seriously... Look at that thing.  If you don't see anything the slightest bit shuddery about clowns, you might want to think about talking things over with a psychologist...

Gnome

A couple of days ago we had PIXIE; today there's Gnome:

Gnome is disturbing on a couple of levels. 

First, there's the obvious horror of Gnome's face.  I mean, what is that thing?  My best guess:  a bit of sheer stocking stuffed and stitched into shape... with a couple of what look like wiggly eyes glued on (with the greatest of skill).  However it's made, it is awful. 

Second, this is something a person is supposed to want to make?  Really?  It looks like someone took a shaggy mop, the aforesaid stocking-face o' horror, and a length of black string... and did their best to make a toy out of it.  (I am assuming this is meant to be a toy. If you know better, by all means, spread the word in the comment section!)  I suppose that since children in the Olden Times were happy enough playing with corncob dolls, this could pass as a toy-- in a pinch-- but can't we do better, with all the crafting resources available these days?  (And couldn't they have done better in the 70s or 80s-- whenever this thing was published?)  Come on, crafters, let's put a little more effort into it, shall we?

Dare You Peek?

Today's yarny horror is known as a "Pottie Peeker". 

Yes, you read that right. 
Here it is again, cutely decorated with scrolls of toilet paper:

 

Now, you may be asking yourself, "What exactly is a Pottie Peeker?  Or do I even want to know?"

Well, according to the vintage magazine in which I found them, "it's a characterization of a person or animal especially for the bathroom.  It's also a dispenser for bathroom tissue". 

"Oh," you're now thinking.  "One of those.  Aren't they just the upper half of a Barbie doll wearing a (crocheted) dress with a full (crocheted) skirt that 'artfully' conceals a roll of t.p.?  Yeah, already seen that.  Next!" 

But not so hasty, friend!  No, not all toilet paper beauty aids (protectors? I d'know.  What's their purpose, anyway?) come in doll-dress format.  No, they sometimes look like cakes, poodles, sushi rolls-- there are even some that are made to look like a roll of toilet paper.  (That just blew your mind, didn't it? ...Well, unless you've already seen it done, maybe...)

Anyway, back to the point.  Those doll-dress t.p. covers are so twentieth-century boring.  Besides, all they do is cover a roll of t.p.-- pointless!  Why would you settle for that when you could have a toilet paper dispenser like this?

A toilet paper dispenser that feeds the t.p. out of a (crocheted) dog's behind?  Awesome!!  ...is what we're apparently supposed to be thinking when we see this.  What I actually think is closer to this:  *pause to give the poor brain time to process this bizarre concept* What?? Why? Ew... And... do I really want a t.p. dispenser made of something soft, absorbant, and difficult to keep clean?  This is, after all, something that will be touched by (or come awfully close to being touched by) possibly "soiled" hands... Aw, I'm overthinking this.  I don't need to defend or explain my position.  Just look at the thing!

Consider yourself horrified for the day. 

PIXIE

PIXIE has two giant black holes where his (or her?) eyes ought to be.  That alone is enough to qualify him (her?) for inclusion in the Partial Month of Yarn-Based Horror.  Side note: What's with the Pope hat with the jingle bell on top?

(I'm beginning to see a trend here... Crocheted and knitted toys are often vaguely creepy.)

The Better to EAT You With, My Dear!

"Ok, Sweetie.  Night-night time!  You've had your bedtime story and said your prayers... Now, which of your plush animal toys would you like to sleep with tonight?  Maybe Mr. Theodore Teddikins?  ...No?  Ok... How about Little Meow-Meow?  ...Oh!  I know!  Here, baby, cuddle up with Ravenous Wolf!"

Send your child happily off to beddy-bye dreamland in the company of the Big Bad Wolf!  He or she will have hours of fun staring, transfixed, at his gaping maw, yellow eyes (complete with vertical pupils!), and pointy white teeth! 

Show your favorite little one how much you care with a crocheted Fairytale Monster Wolf-- TODAY!

They Never Forget...

With Hallowe'en approaching, I thought it might be fun to spend the rest of the month celebrating eerie, creepy, or vaguely ~spooky~ Yarn Yuck.  (If I were a better, more organized Yarn Yucker, this might have been a whole Month of Scary Yarn, but I'm not... so it's only a Partial Month of Scary Yarn.*  Sorry 'bout that.)

So, where were we...?  Oh yes!  The yarn!

Pink elephants on parade!!

...Or a heffalump, if you prefer.

Incidentally, I don't think either of those bits were that scary to me when I was a child, but this stuffed elephant toy is just bizarre enough to be mildly creepy.  Let's ease our way into the shudders, shall we? 

*"Scary" is highly subjective in the world of yarn.  Results may vary.  Nightmares not guaranteed. 

Oops!

If you received an incomplete blog entry this afternoon, please disregard it.  (I accidentally published something I was writing in advance, and I'm not techno-savvy enough to figure out how to stop Google Reader from picking it up, even after I've hurriedly deleted the entry...)

If you can't un-see it... You'll just be bored (more than usual, I mean) later on this month.  ;o)

Here is a Yarn-Yuck-ish representation of how I feel when this happens:

Pre-premature-publication:  "Yay!  I'm writing Yarn Yuck blog posts in advance!  There will be Yarn Yuckage every day for a month to come!  I will forget what I've written in what order, so it'll be almost new to me, too.  Hurray for bad memory!"

Post-premature-publication:  "Boo.  Woe is me!  Now everyone will see that post a week or two before they should have... It won't make sense!  Why did my finger slip and type Ctrl-P? Why?!  Life seems so empty at times like this..."

Thank you for putting up with these occasional slip-ups!

Chunky

Too-chunky yarn strikes again!

Don't you hate it when your disproportionately chunky accessories make you look like a Barbie dressed in something lovingly knit (in worsted weight) by Mom or Grandma?  The intentions were good, the fashion sense... not so much.

Bobble-Head

No, no.  Not that kind of bobble-head. 

This kind of bobble-head:

Ms. Model doesn't look very happy in her bobble-stitch visor-headband-thing... 
Or maybe it's the ruffle-collared cape. 

It's hard to tell, sometimes.

Barnacle Arm

Given the obviously serious case of barnacle arm this model's been struck with, her positive attitude is quite inspiring!

(They should totally make a poignant TV movie about her struggle to overcome the stigma of barnacle arm.)

Where, Pray Tell?

Just where, exactly, are you supposed to wear this knit set?

"Around the house" is the only remotely acceptable answer that comes to mind, but I wouldn't want to jeopardize my marriage.  Ok, so I jest-- but why is the top designed to reveal the belly-- that very part of the body that probably 90% of us would rather not put on prominent display?

Medusa

I have to admit, I'm not the kind of woman who spends a lot of time styling her hair.  A ponytail is about as advanced as I get, these days.  So it's such a help when the pattern photographs show me how I "should" wear my hair to accentuate my rather unappealing crocheted top:

Medusa hair! 
See?  I never would've thought of doing that on my own...

...But it totally works!

Bulky

Bulky yarn has its place in the world of yarn-craft, without question. 
It's not right for every project, but it definitely has its good points. 
For instance, it works up so quickly! 

However.  
At some point you cross over into the realm of the ridiculous:

Fortunately for the rest of us (who like to point and laugh), high fashion doesn't know the meaning of the word "ridiculous".

Bzzzz

Citizens of Blogopolis!

Meet the Bee Babe-- strange visitor from another planet colony (you know, like a colony of bees?)!

Faster than a speeding bullet a really fast knitter!
More powerful than a locomotive titanium knitting needle!
Able to leap tall buildings yarn stashes in a single bound!

(Cool!  I want to dress like a bee in stilettos, too!)

Bowtie

What a charmer!

Sure, he's wearing a v-neck sweater instead of a tuxedo, but hey, at least he's got that snazzy bowtie!

Fashion Afghans

Note:  Today's Yarn Yuck is not a hand-made knit or crochet item.  The idea is take a (mass-produced) afghan and sew it into a jacket.  Er, excuse me, a Fashion Afghan. 

So, as you can see, though the "Yarn" may be lacking, the "Yuck" is still there.  In abundance.

 

Alright, I'll admit it.  These things could probably be quite warm and cozy (except perhaps the sleeveless "vest" design on the bottom right), but they strike me as only a shade better than a Snuggie.  It doesn't matter how you rearrange the fabric, ladies.  It still looks like you've swathed yourself in something that people would typically toss over the back of the sofa as a decorative accent.  For the home.  Back in the 1990s...   And they had the audacity to put the word "fashion" in the title!

Discover the Excitement!

"Discover the Excitement of Hairpin Lace":

I'm so excited!  I can't barely sit still!

I love hairpin lace, it's true!
I love hairpin lace! Don't you?!
Woooooo!

Let's hear it for hairpin lace, you guys!!


Let's hear it for floofy yarn collars!!!
Let's hear it for men in crocheted and knitted neck ties!!!!
And most of all...
Let's hear it for women (suggestively posed to insinuate that they may be nude) wrapped in striped afghans-- and apparently about to settle down for a catnap on a hard, cold marble slab!  (Cozy.)

Scroungy, Mangy Poncho-Dress

Today, a feast of fringe, both loopy and clipped!

It's perfect for those days when nothing will suit you but to look like you're draped in a scroungy, mangy wolf pelt!

Also:  What is that thing?  It looks like a poncho... but then it continues down past her hands.  Is that a skirt beneath the poncho?  Or is it dress?  Is... is she even wearing anything (up top) under that poncho??  ...I don't want to imagine what that poncho-thing would feel like on bare skin... ~shudder~

Honesty's the Best Policy

Sir.  Come now.  It's time to 'fess up...

Did you-- perhaps-- swipe that sweater from your mother's closet? 

So You Think You Can Dance

This is what I think of as the "Elaine-Style Dance Pose".

(Haven't a clue what I'm talking about?  Maybe this video clip will refresh your memory.  If not, I'm afraid I can't help you. ;o))