But How Else Could They Tell?

"Chad, I'm not trying to discount what you say about gaydar.  I'm just saying there may be some other... contributing factors to why you've been getting so many interested glances today."

Plain Vanilla

It was Cheryl's secret wish that she would one day be entirely covered in cream and white.  She was just a ski mask away...

(Pretty pattern in that sweater-- but why all the white?  And those lace gloves feel out of place, don't you think?)

Bzzzz

Citizens of Blogopolis!

Meet the Bee Babe-- strange visitor from another planet colony (you know, like a colony of bees?)!

Faster than a speeding bullet a really fast knitter!
More powerful than a locomotive titanium knitting needle!
Able to leap tall buildings yarn stashes in a single bound!

(Cool!  I want to dress like a bee in stilettos, too!)

Moody Model

Her expression says, "Pink makes me gwumpy!"

Can't really blame her, though.  I mean, they really surrounded her in Pepto, didn't they?  (And she's a redhead, too.  According to "old school" fashion, redheads and pink don't mix.)

P.S.  Don't worry, redheads. I think that's an outdated fashion "rule".  Go ahead and wear all the pink you want! ;o)

I Wuv You Forever

Aww... Isn't this adorable?

Someone-- his girlfriend?  his mommy?  gramma?-- loves our (teenaged? early-twenties?) male model so much that they knit him this sweater with two hearts (on the front and the back!) and the word "forever" in script upon it.

Yes, "forever"...  That's how long his pals at school (or work?  How old is this guy supposed to be?) will mock him, after they see him in this precious sweater. 

It's mostly olive green, but no color-- no matter how manly-- can ever counteract those decorations.  The only way I can see this "working" for your average man is if the hearts were replaced with skulls... ("Forever" takes on a slightly different context under those circumstances, does it not?) And even then, the font would probably need to be butched up a bit.  Pink script just outweighs even skulls, I think.

Well, at least the model seems happy enough in the sweater...  (Or maybe-- just possibly-- he's chuckling to himself over the thought of the poor dope who's going to have to wear that thing for real, out on the mean streets of the world...)

Amazing

This crochet coat is probably not the easiest thing to make.  All those colors and patterns.  It certainly looks complicated.  Lots of counting involved, I'd imagine.  Reading detailed charts, maybe. 

And yet. . . After all that toil and trouble, you end up looking like you wandered off the set of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat:

. . . Which, strangely, is probably not a look that most of us want.

Real Mean Wear Lilac

"So, yeah.  When my girlfriend offered to knit me this sweater, I was all like, 'Sure, baby, whatever you wanna do', because I wanna be supportive of her and all that crap, y'know?  Besides, I mean, like I get cold from time to time, so sure, a sweater could be cool."

"But then when she gives it to me, and I see it for the first time, I'll all like, 'Uhhhh, thanks, babe. . .'  I mean, I don't wanna say anything, but seriously?  It's like something a chick would wear.  I mean, look at it.  These little whatever-they-are on the front. . . And then the color!  Light purple?  I think she calls is 'lilac', which honestly is even worse.  I mean, I know some guys wear pink, and I got no problem with them or whatever, but it's just not that masculine, you know?  It's not my style.

"But whatever.  I can't say anything to her about it, so I guess I'm stuck wearing it until I can accidentally 'lose' it at the gym or something.  Because seriously, I love her and all, but-- really?  I'm supposed to wear this in public?  I'm only wearin' it now because this morning she asked why I never wear it and looked like she was either gonna cry or punch me. . .

"Like I said, I love the girl, but just because she wears nothing but 'lilac' doesn't mean I have to, too, right?

"I mean. . . right?"

(Poor guy doesn't realize she's standing right there and probably heard every word. . .)

"Smurfette? Is that you?"

Today, I present you with two blue women in very orange knitwear:

(This is where you should insert your own joke about Avatar or the Smurfs.  Thank you for your cooperation.)

I know about complementary colors.   You know, certain colors are opposites on the color wheel, and putting them close together makes them "pop".  Blue and orange happen to be complementary-- but I still think this is taking things a little too far, don't you?