Dead, Alive, or Undead?

Here's another of those mysterious plus-mark-eyed clowns:

I suppose this is a pot holder / hot pad... because it has a ring for hanging and is photographed next to a jug or kettle... But it looks more like a dishrag-- and one that has seen its share of use.

...Yuck.  A clown-shaped scrappy-looking thing like that could turn someone away from crochet for life.

Send in the Clowns

Oh, look! 
It's a whole posse of insane dead clowns!

Aren't they so adorable, with their little green bow-ties, and their red pom pom noses, and their poofy blue... whatever those things are?

Maybe they aren't really dead, though.  It X's for eyes mean a cartoon is dead, what do plus marks mean...?

Clown Couture

These are the kinds of things that lady clowns ogle through shop windows:

 

"...I know I really shouldn't.  Bozo already complains about how many clothes I buy.  He says I have more pairs of giant shoes than one person can possibly use in a lifetime-- and I've had to hide my collection of squeaky rubber noses from him to avoid another argument... But just look at those huge faux buttons!  And the random dimensional dots on the back!  Ooh, just think how jealous the other lady clowns will be!"

Week of Clown Horror, Day 7

It's the last day of our Week of Clown Horror!  So, let me see. What do I have for you today...?

Ah, yes!  Here we go...:

It's a potholder (...or hot pad... I think...) that looks like a very angry, very DEAD clown... 

Just what you always wanted, huh?

...Oh, and if I were you, I wouldn't insult his lady-friend there.  I've heard that zombie clowns have wicked tempers.

Week of Clown Horror, Day 6

Remember the "Pottie Peekers" from last week?  Yeah?  Ok, here's an eco-friendly model:

...You're wondering what's so eco-friendly about it, aren't you?   Well, look at it this way:  If you have to confront this each time you reach for a little more t.p., you're going to make every square count.

The downside of this particular Pottie Peeker is that with him sitting there, staring unblinkingly at you the whole time, you may just find yourself too scared to "go" at all...

Week of Clown Horror, Day 5

I have something really special for you, today-- something you won't find on just any old yarn-themed blog...

Straight from an old-timey carnival sideshow... or maybe a spooky, run-down traveling circus:  It's 75% clown, 25% monkey (of all things!)... and 100% shivery-shuddery creepy. (And ok, maybe like 15% cute, if they got rid of that nasty green loop-fringe hair... if you like monkeys.)

Week of Clown Horror, Day 4

KID!  Look out!!
Did you not read yesterday's Yarn Yuck entry?  (For shame.)

You've forgotten the cardinal rule of dealing with clown toys!  (Which is:) Never let them get their arms around your neck*.   ('Specially the ones wearing striped clothes...)  I tell you, they like nothing better than strangling innocent children!

Whatever you do, don't look into those huge, flat, lifeless eyes...
If you do, you'll never be the same again!

*See Poltergeist for further information on this subject.

Week of Clown Horror, Day 3

The pox-ridden sunshine looks frightened...  So does the... (what is that thing?)... er, the blue disc with legs...

What could have them so wide-eyed with fear?

Eeeek!
It's a freakishly long-legged, long-armed clown!!
(Yes, I know.  A clown.  On Day 3 of our Week of Clown Horror.  Who would've thunk it, right?)

Ever since I saw parts of Poltergeist as a child, I've associated long-armed clowns with horror-- as is only logical, even if you haven't seen Poltergeist.  Well, really, what else are those long arms (and/or legs) for, if not strangling? 

(The red-haired sun and... Little Miss Blue-Dot probably have nothing to fear, though, as neither of them have a neck to strangle.)

Week of Clown Horror, Day 2

Maybe it's a bit of a stretch, but this cartoonish character looks clownish to me...

And furthermore, the girl in the photo doesn't look very happy to be there with it:

As if it's not bad enough they make her wear a sweater with the clown-troll character, she's also forced to hold a doll of the clown-troll character.  (The loopy red yarn hair!  The hideous poof-nose!  The buck teeth!)

...You poor little thing.  Come with us.  We'll take you away from this place, somewhere where you'll never, ever have to pretend to like clown-troll cartoon characters-- ever again!

Week of Clown Horror BEGINS

In honor of the Spooky Month (a.k.a. October), I've begun posting scary, eerie and/or vaguely troubling Yarn Yuck.

As part of this Octoberiffic celebration, I don't think we can go wrong with a Week of Clown Horror.

Many people find clowns creepy, if not downright terrifying.
If you're not one of those people, you can just look at this as a Week of Clown Fun...

Yep.  Lots and lots of fun...

"Clown Pillow"... Not the type of pillow you put under your head, I hope, because, well, EWWWW.  It'd be too much like cuddling up with and kissing a clown.  And yet... not the type of pillow you just toss around as decorative elements on the bed or sofa, either, I hope... because... well, again, EWWWW.

...Seriously... Look at that thing.  If you don't see anything the slightest bit shuddery about clowns, you might want to think about talking things over with a psychologist...

Eek!

It's a creature from your nightmares, come to life in crochet!

I think this must be a toilet-paper cover.   It might be an effective way to get people to conserve bathroom tissue.  After all, would you want to be the one who had to disturb the evil clown head perched on the toilet tank*?  No, I thought not.  You'd just make do with a little less t.p.!

*Imagine having to turn your back on that thing!  I'd be tempted to toss a towel over it...

All She Needs Is a Red Rubber Nose

Take a look at this little number!

It's what all the most fashionable lady clowns are wearing, this year. 

Clownin' Around

While I've never been a real fan of clowns (or the circus atmosphere in general), I've also not suffered from an irrational fear of them.  Thoughts of squeaky red noses and giant shoes don't send a shiver down my spine.

However-- this right here?  It helps me understand where the terror comes from. 

Honestly, how was this supposed to help sell knitting patterns?

And WHY (for a certain period of time, at least) did anything to do with children invite the automatic inclusion of clowns??  "Oh, it's for kids?  Gotta slap a clown face on it, then."  It's so mystifying. . .