Wisps

Here's one more accessory I advise you to avoid:

Hats with built-in wisps of grey hair-- like the hair you'd expect to see on some horror movie version of a frail, elderly woman.

(Take it or leave it, of course.  It's your life.)

"NO to smoking!"

I sincerely applaud parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, etc. who encourage the young people in their lives to cultivate healthy habits.  "Just say no" and all that stuff?  Yes, do all you can to convince them to eschew illegal drugs, smoking, drinking, and so forth.

Just... Do you really think it's necessary to make and wear an anti-smoking sweater?

Unless you travel around the country talking to kids about the evils of smoking, I can't imagine many occasions that call for a "NO TO SMOKING!"-themed sweater... but maybe I'm just not going to the right places.

Dun-Dun-DUNNNNN!

This baby has obviously taken acting/modeling lessons from the famous (infamous?) "Dramatic Gopher".

Child Models

"Just look at the camera and smile when they tell you to, Sammy.  Try not to worry; it'll be over soon."

(Is it just me?  Those poor kids look kind of uncomfortable...)

Elegance

If you liked the crochet needle necklace featured on Yarn Yuck last month, but want something a little more understated, these earrings are for you:

Ooh.  Aah. 
See, they use metal needles.  So much classier than those brightly colored plastic ones!  Now, these would be perfect for your wedding day or a night at that fancy-schmancy French restaurant.

I still think these needle-based jewelry projects just stink of desperation. 

"We already offer eleventy-billion free patterns for scarves, hats, and every conceivable use for eyelash yarn... What else can we entice people make with our products?"

"Well, Bob, I've always thought that our darning needles sales were deplorably low.  If we could just think of some way to get people to buy more of those..."

Racerback

Here we have a racerback-style knitted sweater:

This is definite "yuck" in my humble estimation.

Politically Incorrect (Again)

Here's another for the "probably not politically correct" folder:

Not PC

I don't know...
I might be wrong...
But...
I get the feeling that, these days, someone might be offended by these pot holders:

Maybe it's just me, but it doesn't seem "PC".

Tassel of DOOM

I'm not sure what's the worst aspect of this hat...

A)  The knit-covered "bill",
B)  The stripes of fuzzy-wuzzy, pink eyelash yarn,
C)  The general slouchiness of the thing,
or
D)  The humongous (pink novelty yarn) tassel of DOOM!!

...Why is there never an "all of the above" option when you need it most?!

What Goes With Sequins?

The novelty-yarn harlequin-patterned cardigan...  Possibly not the best thing to wear over a sequined dress.

Disappointed in Himself

Much as he tried to shake it off, Grant couldn't help but feel a trifle disappointed in himself... He knew he could've found an even plainer sweater, if he'd tried a little harder-- looked a little longer.  Why did he seem to have so much trouble going that extra mile?

Polyp Barnacle Sea-Creature Fashion

It's been a while since my high school course of marine biology, so you'll have to bear with me here...

I can't quite place the name, but I know there's some sort of creature living on the ocean floor that simply must have been the inspiration for this unusual hat and scarf set:

Barnacle Beanie?
Coral Polyp Cap? 

Eh, whatever. 
The point is, yuck. 

(I've convinced myself that even the chihuahua looks mildly embarrassed to be in the same photo with that hat.)
 
I'm kind of disappointed with whoever arranged this photo, though... Clearly, the thing to do here was to have the model's hair plaited into numerous small braids, then thread them through the openings in the hat so that they flopped every which way.  Such a missed opportunity!

Dejected Model

If that whimsical mural can't pull Yuuka out of this deep bout of depression, I fear nothing can...

The Many Moods Of Models

For some, modeling (even glamorous fiber-craft modeling) is just a stepping stone on the path toward Acting (yes, with a capital "A").

Here's a fine example of a young woman who would clearly be wasted in modeling:

I'm telling you, she can go from "oh. my. gosh!", wide-eyed startled to "I'll get you for this", ice-cold hatred like that.  Just like flipping a switch.

That's talent.

Hittin' the Bottle

Naomi finally had to admit to herself that young Dillon's ketchup addiction had spiraled out of control.  Over the past few months, he had progressed from using french fries (or pommes, as she liked to call them when she was feeling fancy) as a ketchup delivery system to slurping it straight from the bottle.  Swift intervention was the only answer...

Busy as a Bee

I can't decide...

...is this quirky and cute...
...or just too darn BUSY?

I think it'd tip the scales in favor of "cute" if they'd ditch just one of those loud patterns-- maybe the shorts (or is that a skirt?)-- and replace it with a solid color.

Betsy & Bill

Hi, everyone! 
I have someone I'd like you to meet...  Two someones, in fact.

It's Betsy and Bill, a darling pair of red-headed twins with button eyes!

If they look familiar-- like a pair of internationally-recognized dolls named, oh, something like "Raggedy Ann and Andy"-- well, nope.  I'm afraid you're mistaken, 'cause this here is Betsy and Bill.  Ok?  And don't you go thinkin' otherwise!

(And yes, that is what they were called in the pattern-- "Betsy and Bill".)

Men in Mesh, Day 7

Let's end our glorious week of Men in Mesh on a high note, shall we?

It's not easy to improve on a Man in Mesh, but if there's one thing that can do it, it has to be a Man in Mesh-- with chest hair:

Of course, this top isn't quite as open and meshy as it could be-- and the model isn't quite as hirsute as one might hope-- but still, truly a feast for the eyes. 

Well, that's it!  Men in Mesh Week is officially over.  I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.  Perhaps it even inspired some of you to knit or crochet a mesh top for your significant other.  I know I'll be crocheting several  for the special man in my life... ;o)

Men in Mesh, Day 6

It's a little known fact, but mesh actually has several special health-protecting attributes-- thus these "Health Vests". 

Oh, yeah.  He looks healthy to me.  Nice and healthy...*

And to the right, there, you'll see a vintage pre-teen heartthrob in his very attractive "health vest".  Keep your tween daughters away from this blog entry, whatever you do!  He'll only break their hearts.

Don't you just love how they've tucked the mesh vests into their pants?  Very cool.

*Alright, the pretend-lusting after all these mesh-clad men is finally beginning to get to me.  Only one-- more-- day...  Think-- I-- can-- make it....

Men in Mesh, Day 5

After yesterday's rather disappointing Man in Mesh, you deserve a double helping of beefcake.  ;o)

So, ladies...
Do you prefer your enmeshed hunk with sleeves...

 ...or without?

Hmmm?

Either way, there's nothin' quite like a Man in Mesh, is there? 
(...And for that may we be truly thankful. One thing like that is ENOUGH.)

Men in Mesh, Day 4

Today's Man in Mesh is a bit of a tease... Making us use our imaginations!

What is that?  A double-thick layer of mesh?  Or is it just the tightest mesh known to mankind?  (Maybe it's not mesh at all, but it definitely has a meshlike texture...)

You can barely see any skin through that top!  (Tsk, tsk!)

Well, we'll just have to settle for gazing at that spectacularly manly hairdo...

Men in Mesh, Day 3

If you have a good memory for faces, you might recognize these models from an earlier entry.

Well, here they are again!

Maybe having the girlfriend in the photo kind of ruins the fantasy for you gals?  ;o)

Say no more!

Here he is (alone) in all his meshiliciousness:

 Ooh, those piercing eyes!

Men in Mesh, Day 2

Disclaimer:  Alright, my definition of "mesh" here is a bit loose...  If I can glimpse some skin through the fabric, it counts as mesh (this week, at least).

What's better than one Man in Mesh?  Why, two Men in Mesh, of course!

...Or... Well, the same guy modeling two different mesh tops.  (But you can pretend they're twins, if that's better.)

On the left we have a rather feminine seafoam green... and on the right, radioactive neon green.
Decisions, decisions!

Men in Mesh, Day 1

Hey, ladies!
You're gonna want to bookmark today's entry so you can come back and admire it again and again.  That's because today marks the beginning of a special feature here on Yarn Yuck...  Men in Mesh!  

We're having a regular Meshapalooza here at Yarn Yuck.  Every day this week you'll be treated to another meshtacular Man in Mesh.  (Tell a friend!) 

So, without further ado, here's our first mesh-clad man, modeling an elegant openwork top in the charmingly titled "wife beater" style: 

(I love how the photographer and layout editor show the model with and without the sunglasses, because those really affect the way a mesh tank top looks on a man.)

Woo!  ~fanning myself~
There's nothing hotter than a man in crocheted mesh.  Am I right?  ;o)

Matched Set

This vintage cover boasts that it features six matched sets.
And boy, they weren't kidding about the "matched" part...

"I daren't set a toe outside the house if my socks and tie don't match my sweater-vest.  Mother raised me right!"

Raise Your Hand!

"Raise your hand-- raise your hand... if you're Sure!"

(It almost looks like she's sneaking a little "am I still fresh?" sniff...)

Double-Breasted

I don't suppose it's politically correct, but I prefer men who dress like men.  Not in, say, something like this:

I mean, yuck.  That mottled grey.  The loopy texture.  The collar-- and the two rows of buttons. (A double-breasted cardigan?  WHY??) 

It wouldn't be particularly becoming on a woman, either, but I think it's somehow even worse on a male model.  There's no way he can "macho-pose" this one up to an acceptable level of masculinity. 

Dolphin Sweaters Mask the Pain

Maybe I'm looking at this all wrong...

...but doesn't it look like that man is holding the poor, dolphin-sweater-wearing woman against her will?

"You're not going anywhere.  You think I'm going to let you out of the house wearing that dolphin sweater?  I don't think so."

With the weird controlling pose and the appearance of the female model, in particular, I am reminded of this music video: 

Time to Relax... with Pom-Poms

"No, honey..."

"...Relax.  Those gigantic pom-poms on your hat don't make you look ridiculous at all.  ...Where'd you get a silly idea like that to begin with?"

I Pledge Allegiance...

"America Flag":

Not to be mistaken for the AmericaN Flag.

What Passes for Art...

"Macramé Animal Art"...

Funny what passes for art, isn't it?

Just goes to show that one man's "Animal Art" is another man's shabby (faux) raccoon pelt hanging on a fence. 

Static

Yikes!

Ok, who's been rubbing a balloon on the model's hair this time...?  Roger?  Was it you, Andy?  Seriously, guys, her staticky hair is going to distract the audience from the knit... thingums she's wearing.  ...You know what?  Bring that balloon back over here.  Yeah, let's see if we can get even more of her hair to stand up.  Oh, and hand over that scrap of yarn, too.  I've got an idea...

Piñata Bolero

It's the gold knotted fringe that really defines this as the Piñata Bolero.

So... Anyone got a stick?

Pose Pretty

He was sick of her incessant posing.  She simply couldn't walk more than a few yards without stopping and striking a pose.  She had a hundred of them, each more annoying than the last.  Meanwhile, he was left to look back awkwardly and wait until she was satisfied that everyone around had noticed how interesting she looked.  Well, he'd finally had it.  The engagement would have to be called off.

Designed for One Purpose

Only for use with corn (as demonstrated in photo).

Attempts to use corncob skillet handle cover with other foods may result in culinary disaster.

Moody Model Dude

I think he's feeling jealous because he doesn't get to wear one of those cool headbands.
...Or maybe he thinks the "chunky" part is a personal insult.

Retro Granny Square Dress

Here's another for the granny square file:

Let's say you can get past the fact that this is a granny square dress... What's with that thin dark line on the bodice?  If you must have a thin dark line, wouldn't you put it where the bodice meets the skirt?  Not a few inches above that?  Weird.

Granny on the Catwalk

(Continuing our granny square theme from earlier...)

If you're an aficionado of weird crochet, you've probably seen this before.  Still, it's always worth another look:

That granny square dress is what might've resulted if Scarlett O'Hara hadn't had humongous curtains from which to fashion a dress, but had been forced to forage for fabric on a typical 1970s suburban sofa. 

The strangest thing is that this isn't the only granny square dress to hit the runway and red carpet in recent years.  Well, at least an afghan dress is sure to be cozy...  (Or as Scarlett would've said, "As God is my witness, I'll never go chilly again!")

"Granny Goes Wild"

Woo!

So this is what happens when Granny really lets her hair down!

She... crochets a motif-based sweater in primary colors...

...Hm.  (Is that all?)
...Yeah, Granny.  You go, girl.

Knitwear on Elm Street

Is it just me...

...or does she have that "I just survived a horror movie" look about her?

The dazed/glazed expression... The hair standing on end slightly frizzled...  Arms hanging limply by her sides (exhausted after the adrenaline rush of fending off whatever type of Hell-beast was ruining her day)... I can almost see her stumbling slowly forward, legs wobbly after fighting the ultimate battle with Pure Evil. 

Take my advice, dear, and don't let your guard down yet.  That's when they usually spring the really bad monster out of the closet.

Mousy Hair

It's always sad to see this...

Another model's mood soured by Mickey Mouse ears hair.

The Fashion Police Strike Again

"Ma'am, I'm going to need you to come with me."

"Is something wrong, officer?"

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to cite you with misuse of sequins-- paillettes, to be precise."

"B-but-- I--"

"Save it for the judge, lady."  (slapping on the handcuffs)  "People like you disgust me.  Think you can get away with anything."