Perfectly Proportioned

This pom-pom is about 80-90% too big.  I mean, yeah.  It's only a hat for a doll.  But still, not even a doll wants to look ridiculous, right? 

Acid/Neon Green

Between the color and the meshy, "wear-something-underneathness" of the fabric, I am horrified. 

And that doesn't even take into consideration the "lace-up" aspect. 

Yuck.

Make His Day.

I advise you not to mock the "veggie-saurus" on his sweater. 
(Poor anger management skills.  Plus he's fairly ruthless with that croquet mallet.)

One-Sleeve Shrug

One of the least useful articles of clothing ever designed. 
Well, unless one of your arms is more sensitive to the cold than the other...

Ventilated Dress

Who can fault her for looking so infinitely uncomfortable?

(Snake) Charming

I know that in some cultures the snake is revered, but I just can't get over my Western urge to shudder at this sweater...  Really?  Of all the possible ways to decorate a sweater, this is what the designer settled on?

Eco-Friendly

This eco-friendly jacket is constructed of recycled mop heads.
...Ok, not really, but it sort of looks like it is...

Man Up

I can't decide if that guy is wimpy for agreeing to wear that hideous vest or if he's just such a manly man that he can wear anything without feeling emasculated... (And he didn't want to hurt his wife's feelings by refusing to wear the vest after she made it for him.  Aw.)

...But I tend to lean toward the opinion that, dude, you're going to have to tell her that you hate wearing her "handicrafts" one of these days.  Let today be the day.  (Or rather, whenever it was in March/April 1987 should have been the day.)

Help! I've Fallen...

"Help!  I've fallen in my skin-tight sequined leopard print skirt and baggy metallic sweater with fuzzy, striped sleeves... and I can't get up!"

Granny Sheath

There should be a law against this sort of thing...
Where are the Fashion Police when you really need them?

Fugly

Sometimes something's just plain fugly, and there's not much more to be said about it.

Carefree

Sure, the cover says it's "carefree"...

...but I don't care what they say:  Someone always ends up hurt (and maybe bleeding) in those "free love" situations.

(Ok, maybe it's just me, but that pose makes it look like the girls are sharing Eric Forman, there.) 

How many of you want one of those groovy granny-square-and-stripes tops?  Actually, I do kind of like the sleeves... They're kind of a toned-down, mild-mannered version of Molly Weasley's sleeves.

Freeform Swimsuit

You can find photos of some really amazing, elaborate freeform Irish crochet out there, but sometimes freeform just goes horribly awry...

Flower Power x 3

Too-- much-- flower-- power!-- Can't-- take-- all-- the-- loopy flowers!

I mean, seriously. 
The bag?  ...Well, ok. 
The hat?  Only if you insist. 
But what is that other thing-- the loopy flower garland that's draped all over her?  A bizarre mish-mash of choker, suspenders, and scarf? 

Finishing Touch

While the puffy, fuzzy sleeves (and shoulder pads) might have been enough to set this sweater apart, the hat seals the deal.  Tulle netting and a ponytail emerging from the top of a pink cylinder?  SOLD!

Credit Where Due

In the spirit of giving credit when it's due, at least the designer had the decency to make the fabric solid in the, um, pelvic region.  He or she didn't have to extend us that courtesy, you know.

Spoiled for Topics

 

Oh, gosh.
This is another of those "where to start" situations.  That is one seriously crazy dress!

How do I mock thee, dress?  Let me count the ways!

1. The openwork skirt.  Look closely; you can see her thighs through the holey fabric.  (I, for one, prefer not to put my underwear on display, but I'm kind of old-fashioned like that...)
2. The big holes in the bodice.  (Why are they there?)
3. The HUGE hole in the back of the dress.  (And the odd strands connecting the top to the skirt.)
4. The ugly yarn.  (Yes, I'm being judgmental of the yarn.  I just don't like it.)
5. The row of fringe (?) about halfway down each sleeve.
6. The spiral fringe at the neckline.  (On top of everything else, it's just too much.)

But hey, apart from that, it's actually not too bad for a knitted/crocheted dress.  I like the length of the sleeves and skirt, the ruffles at the sleeves... the fit... It we could just address the items on my mocking list...

Retrolicious

Ooh!  Matching vest and leg-warmers!  And a poodle-perm to boot!

The Real Deal

After yesterday's modern(ish) wanna-be-hippie-mama, it seemed fitting to feature the genuine article, today. 

Now, I know his hair isn't quite as long and oily as you'd probably like.  (I was a little disappointed on that front, myself...) But just look at that shirt/tunic.  You can't wear something like that unless you're a licensed, card-carrying hippie-dude.  (Or so I've been told.)

Peace, Love & Happiness

This photo just makes me laugh.  What is she doing and why?  She appears to be playing some sort of flute while wearing flowers in her hair...  Is she at a gathering for modern hippies? (Nah, cant be that.  She's wearing shoes, for one thing...)  You get the feeling that she may have been hitting the ol' peace pipe, though. 

Anyway, thanks for the laugh, flute-playing flower-power lady!

Granny Stitches Ain't for Everything

I like granny squares and "granny stripes" as much as the next person, but let's be honest:  It's not the right stitch pattern for everything.  For example-- this shirt and floppy hat.  They really shouldn't exist, and it's a crying shame that they do.

Fashion Meshy-Tunic

She's stylin'!

Bejeweled

Don't even think about wearing this top unless your bellybutton is dripping in diamonds. 
(Oh, and elastic-band gym pants are the only way to go, too.)

Bulk

Yes, bulky yarn works up fast...

...but how soon do you really need that slubby ear-flap hat?

Backwards

Don't you just love how this crochet top is open-work in the front and solid fabric in the back? 
Yeah, that makes perfect sense.

Awkward

Sure, the little "necklace" and "bracelet" of puffy stitches look slightly silly... but what really gets me is the model's awkward pose (what is she doing with her right arm?) and vaguely concerned expression (probably due to the painful pose the cruel photographer insists she hold)...

Fuzzy Flowers

...You know, maybe there's a reason God decided not to make flowers out of fuzzy novelty yarn. 

Just a thought.

You Don't Bring Me Flowers

Crocheted and knitted flowers in a vase-- for when you reach that point at which silk flowers just don't look fake enough for you anymore.  (The crocheted butterfly is looking a bit... sickly, though.)

Inspiring Bikini-Vest Combo

Ooh, where to start?

• Love the use of variegated yarn, here.  It's inspiring.
• That vest is to die for.  A bikini just looks ridiculous without a matching vest, honestly. 
• It looks like the model may be so thin that she has to hold the bikini bottoms up to keep them from falling right off.

"Beer Mug Toilet Tissue Cover"

Gorgeous.  Just the thing to plop on your toilet tank.  So much more attractive than an uncovered roll of toilet tissue would be, don't you think?  Coordinates so well with all the other alcohol-themed decorations in your average powder room.  (Maybe it's meant for the restrooms in a bar.)

(I happen not to drink beer, really, so can someone please explain to me why there appears to be a leaf sticking out of the foam...?)

Dramatic Statements, Day Three

You can't fail to see the high drama brought out in our first (top) model by that stunning yellow sweater!  This time, the designer has upped the ante by adding beads to the fringe.  (Such spunk!)  Wear this with a pair of black gloves (the better to accentuate your dramatic hand posing), and people will be staring from two football fields away. 

For a more understated but still eye-riveting effect, try our second sweater of the day.  An attention-getter when layered over a simple black top, just imagine the effect when you do away with the first layer!  (Comes with matching rope-fringe hair ornament.)

Dramatic Statements, Day Two

First, we have a reworking of the ropey fringe, this time in combination with triangles and kite-shaped appliques of futuristic, metallic fabric.  You can tell from the young model's pose alone that she knows she's making a dramatic statement.

Then we have a charming mother-and-daughter team of dramatic sweaters.  They share similar dynamic designs of circular appliques and dots, but the mother's sweater also sports shoulder pads of a thickness and heft that the daughter does not yet have the years or aplomb to carry off with success.  Don't worry, dear.  Your time will come!

Dramatic Statements, Day One

Ladies, please direct your attention to the sweater on the left.  It's a violet vision of springtime with a liberal scattering of yellow and green bows-- like so many delicate butterflies-- and just a hint of lattice-like strips of mesh for superior ventilation. 

For the more daring woman, we proudly present the article on the right.  Colorful ropes of fringe form a bold diagonal across the body of the sweater, with a gathering of matching pompoms roosting on the left shoulder.  Pair it with black leggings and leather gloves and you will surely command every eye in the room. 

Giraffe-Neck

#1:  If you don't need sleeves or the top fourth of your shirt, you probably don't need a neck-warmer, either.

#2:  The neck-warmer portion looks like someone made only the neck section of a turtleneck. 

#3:  I know that long, swanlike necks are supposed to be the ideal of beauty, but it's possible to take things too far, and this neck-warmer isn't helping matters.

Falling Leaves

I tell you, with the arrival of the first warm, humid days of the year, I'm already looking forward to autumn!  Maybe I can satisfy my longing for falling leaves with something like this:

Fantasy Fur Sleeves

I've been wondering how to use up that novelty yarn I bought on clearance (back before I realized what a nightmare it can be to work with).  Here's an example of how to mix "faux fur" yarn with more standard fare:

 I really like the way her hair is styled to match the sleeves. 

Fringe Necklace

Here's another of those great gift idea projects that you can whip out in no time flat when a birthday or other special occasion sneaks up on you:

Such a creative way to use up those partial skeins that have a way of accumulating.

Temperature Fluctuations

Judging by what she's wearing, this woman is in autumn or early winter from the waist up and spring or summer from the waist down:

...Which strikes me as odd.  I mean, everyone knows that heat rises and cold air settles...

Be Still, My Beating Heart!

Wow.  Take a look at the costumes in the album cover on Sols(tr)ikke today.

They're incredible!

(Apparently the woman is Bonnie St. Claire, a Dutch singer.  I guess the men were the rest of her band.  Or possibly her male crochet-clad harem.  Every late 1960s/early 1970s songstress worth her salt had one, you know.)

Flex

This doesn't have much to do with yucky yarn-wear; though just about every child in the photo is wearing a sweater, they're all either nice-looking or innocuous...

...I just wonder what it is about these kids that has made them so (apparently) muscular.
Or are they just junior body-builders-in-training?

À La Piscine

Out of all the gorgeous knitted and crocheted swimwear you've seen here on YarnYuck, you still haven't found just the right one for you?  (Picky, picky.)  Well, how about one of these? 

The little number in the back, which I think of as "X Marks the Spot", at least isn't the worst we've seen, not that that's much of a recommendation... But as for the other one, it's awful, but I'm not sure what to call it.  Suggestions?

Bad Hair x 2

First:  This 'do is the way to go if you want your hair to look thin and unhealthy:

(Poor guy...  He'd look so much better with a different haircut!)

...Then you have the mysterious world of high fashion, where rat's nest hair is (sometimes) not only tolerated, but even encouraged:

Looks like that electric guitar might have given her a slight case of electrocution. 

Three-fer!

Score One:
Little Miss Wear-Something-Underneath on the right...

Scores Two & Three:
Awkward poses for the win!!! 
a.k.a. "Throw yo' hands in the air like ya just don't care!" and the Squat Squad.

Multi-Use

Isn't it great when you can use the same item for multiple purposes?  You know... Like that silky scarf that doubles as a groovy belt.

...Or like this capelet/poncho hybrid-thing.  It could totally work as a fashionable broom cover.  (Remember those things?  I think my mother had one back in the 80s/early 90s...)

Despondent

Careless of the risk she ran of getting dirt on her crisp, white apparel, Vanessa sat on the floor, her head leaned wearily upon the sofa arm-rest as she stared blankly into space.  Life was a farce.  Not even her favorite shoulder-padded white sweater could lift her spirits today...

Dangly Bits

...Wait. What did you think I meant by "dangly bits"?
Ugh!  Get your mind out of the gutter, won't you?

Anyway, I was referring to the dangly bits on the bottom edge of this knitted skirt:

So, what do you think?

Combination skirt/cat toy, perhaps?

Or you can take it off, wind it around your hand with the dangly bits loose, and let it double as a duster?

Ooh!  I know!  They're reusable knitted handkerchiefs.  You just reach down and pull one off as you need them.

Fake Sleeves

Well, sure, they were faster to make than real sleeves would've been, but honestly, who do you think you're fooling?

But How Else Could They Tell?

"Chad, I'm not trying to discount what you say about gaydar.  I'm just saying there may be some other... contributing factors to why you've been getting so many interested glances today."

Dead, Alive, or Undead?

Here's another of those mysterious plus-mark-eyed clowns:

I suppose this is a pot holder / hot pad... because it has a ring for hanging and is photographed next to a jug or kettle... But it looks more like a dishrag-- and one that has seen its share of use.

...Yuck.  A clown-shaped scrappy-looking thing like that could turn someone away from crochet for life.