Bejeweled

Don't even think about wearing this top unless your bellybutton is dripping in diamonds. 
(Oh, and elastic-band gym pants are the only way to go, too.)

What the. . .?

NO.

Just. . . no.

Straight from the Rag Bag

This photo was in a publication featuring yarn-craft (crochet, I think)-- but otherwise, I'd never believe that anyone had gone to the trouble of making this top by hand... I mean, considering that it looks like something he dug out of the rag bag after learning (with disgust) that his mom/girlfriend/wife had attempted to remove the worst offenders from his wardrobe.

This is how gangsta beach bums with a penchant for crochet mesh often dress:

Those jumbo-sized gold chains (?) he's wearing underneath really make the outfit, don't you think?

Hippity-Hoppity

Whoa!  I'm having Men in Mesh Week flashbacks!

So tell me... what kind of woman is turned on by a dude in a meshy, sleeveless top decorated with a Playboy Bunny?  I guess it's the same kind of woman who likes a dude in those pants and that Playboy Bunny belt buckle...

(Sometimes, I tremble for the fate of the world.  Other times, I just snort in dismay and carry on with my life.)

Suggestive

Apparently these crochet mesh duds weren't trashy enough on their own...

They had to up the ante with a suggestive pose.
Well done!  It's miles trashier, now.

Extreme

Warning!  Warning! 

Prude Alert!  Prude Alert!

People with small children, bossy bosses, or weak stomachs-- as well as those with heart conditions and pregnant women (??)-- should exercise caution. 

Today's Yarn Yuck photo may not be appropriate for all audiences. 

(There.  Don't say I didn't warn you.)

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This, friends, is an extreme case of "wear something underneath":

It was obviously taken at a fashion show, and for whatever reason, it seems that almost anything goes on the runway.  (I suppose we should just be thankful for "the Brazilian", if you know what I mean...)

A few further words to the crocheters among us: 
The power of the pineapple is strong-- very strong-- and so it is all the more necessary that we wield that power wisely.  This... was unwise.

The Crochet Tramp-Bride

Oh, I know what you're thinking:  "Tramp-Bride?  Tramp?  Come on, Yarn-Yucker.  Isn't that a little bit harsh?"

Well, take a look for yourself:

It's a little trampy for a wedding dress. 

(Ok, so I personally wouldn't wear that thing in public on any occasion, but I can try to understand that some people might.  However.  At a wedding?  Your very own wedding?  Yep, trampy.)

Still not convinced?  Take a closer look at the inset photo. 

I rest my case. 

Button Up, Button Down

When I look at this crocheted dress. . .

. . . a couple of ideas present themselves as possibilities:

1. Someone has a button and/or flap fetish.  
2. The designer was very excited after learning how to incorporate buttons and buttonholes into crochet and went a leeetle bit overboard.

The best part?  It's the fact that each flap has two buttons-- one to keep it closed for modesty's sake (like when you're at work or attending a religious service), and one to keep it opened when you want to show a little (more) skin.  It's perfect for that tricky transition from office to evening out!

Umm. . .

'Scuse me, ma'am, but. . .

. . . I think one of your, erm, strategically placed pom-poms has come loose. . .

Leia Wannabe

That's right, I said it. 

She's a a Leia wannabe.

How else can you explain this ridiculous get-up?

Seriously, under what circumstances would you ever have occasion to wear something like this?  Surely not out in public, so what does that leave?  Lounging around the house, I suppose.  Meh, I'll stick with my comfy jeans, tees, and (when I'm really cutting loose) fleece robe, thanks all the same. 

Get Thee to a Nunnery!

When my husband first saw this one, he didn't think it was that bad.  Maybe he thought I liked it and was trying to be supportive.  After all, it does look like an oversized doily, and I am in the process of learning doily-making.  (Hush.  We all have our weaknesses.  One of mine happens to be crochet lace.) 

Anyway, I don't know what he was thinking, but here are my problems with this one:

1. It is so very, very PINK.  Pink is fine in moderation, but this is too much (possibly because of the background detail photo).
2. (As mentioned earlier...) It looks like a gigantic (pink) doily has engulfed the model in crochet lace. 
3. It's hard to tell for sure because of the posing, but it looks like the sleeves are way too long.  A little extra length in the sleeves, ok.  This much, no.  
4. Maybe my eyes are playing tricks on me, but it looks like the model isn't wearing anything under the crocheted top.  (This would explain the odd pose, would it not?  Cleverly (?) using the arms/elbows to cover the naughty bits?)  You should never (no, never) wear holey crocheted or knitted lace without first putting on something underneath.  (For goodness sake, girl, at least wear a bra!)  It's indecent, and it's almost single-handedly leading to the moral breakdown of modern civilization. 

But aside from that, I love it.

ETA:  Apologies for the lack of a photo with this post, earlier.  Also, upon looking at this photo again (and another, in which the model is posing in a different position), I see that she is wearing something (a bra) under the crocheted top.  (As well she should.)  However, I am still shocked to my very core-- and plan to remain so for the foreseeable future.

What the. . .?

A word of warning:
If you're a teensy bit prudish (as I myself happen to be), you may wish to shoo any stray children or other innocents from the room before scrolling down to this post's photo. 



Sorry to trouble the rest of you folks,

but since this is generally-- I hope--

a fairly family-safe blog, I felt I ought

to give a little warning this time. . .



Wouldn't want to embarrass anyone. . .



. . . I don't want to be the reason little

Bobby or Susie start asking Mommy

awkward questions, for instance. . .



I also wouldn't want your co-workers

(who just happen to pass by at

the wrong moment) to think you're

a total weirdo. . . 



Okay, back to your regularly scheduled blog entry!



The title (which, to remind you, is "What the. . .?") says it all, really.

What more is there to say-- what more to do than to stare in horror and disbelief?

(Still, because this is a blog, I will say something more. . .)

What is this meant to be?  A swimsuit?  Lingerie?  Either way, it is clearly the result of a severe lapse in judgment. 

Also:  If (perish the thought) you ever find yourself compelled to crochet a swimsuit / teddy / whatever the heck this thing is, please consider using a color slightly more appealing and flattering than harvest gold (with a touch of pea soup).  Just a helpful hint. 

(Dear Readers, prepare yourselves:  There are more entries in the "What the. . .?" series just waiting to be written and posted.  You'll never know when one might pop up next.  Live and read in fear, my friends.  You're never as safe as you think you are.  Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!  Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!)