"Beer Mug Toilet Tissue Cover"

Gorgeous.  Just the thing to plop on your toilet tank.  So much more attractive than an uncovered roll of toilet tissue would be, don't you think?  Coordinates so well with all the other alcohol-themed decorations in your average powder room.  (Maybe it's meant for the restrooms in a bar.)

(I happen not to drink beer, really, so can someone please explain to me why there appears to be a leaf sticking out of the foam...?)

Kicking the Habit

Here's another for the "wow, you really do have too much time on your hands, don't you?" file:

Look!  They're crocheted cozies for your "Quit Smoking" or "No Swearing" penalty jars!  Aren't they just the cutest?! 

Ok, ok.  These things probably work up in no time at all... and I guess they are kind of funny.  If I had someone to give one to, I might be tempted to try the pattern, though some might look upon it as an odd gift.  ("Here, honey, this is to help you stop swearing so I can finally introduce you to my parents.  Oh, and while you're at it, stop smoking, too.")

"D" is for Duh

Regarding the little duck-themed bib, I'd be afraid that might not be up to the task, unless you have a very tidy baby.  Or as Roy Scheider might say, "You're going to need a bigger bib."

"It is a truth universally acknowledged..."

Though I don't recall Mr. Darcy (or whatever other Pride and Prejudice character this is meant to be) wearing crocheted trousers or coat, I'm willing to overlook such inconsistencies...

What I cannot pretend not to notice, however, is the misspelling of Jane Austen's name. 

The shame!

Swimsuit Coverup FAIL

Sheesh, lady!

#1:  A swimsuit coverup is generally worn over a swimsuit... including the top half.

#2:  The point of a coverup is to cover something up.

#3:  If you find yourself about to burst the darn thing open, consider going up a size or two. 

Mmkay?

Just Super

Every fiber-crafter in the world deserves her own superhero costume* (complete with cape):

...I'm not sure I'd wear mine outdoors, though, as this brave soul seems to have done...


*I sincerely hope this is only a "for fun" costume.

I Spy

Oops.  With all the Christmas hustle and bustle, I forgot that I hadn't scheduled posts for yesterday... Let's make up for it today!

We start the day off with a vintage cover-- Hand Knits for Men. 

What do you suppose this trio of besweatered men might be discussing...?

One possibility:
"That window there about 9 every night.  On top of everything else, she's punctual, too!"

Cozy

House fire waiting to happen:

(It almost looks like it's already starting to burn.)

Bare Facts

Pray tell...
Why is the baby wearing a bonnet and nothing else?

It was obviously just so whoever made this booklet could feel proud of him/herself for pairing a bare-bottomed baby with the title "The Bare Facts of Crochet... For Beginners". 

What sparkling wit.  

Well, either that or the rest of the baby's clothes would be too difficult for beginners to make, so crochet beginners' babies have to make do with bonnets and blankets. 

(Incidentally, please observe that the bonnet matches the blanket.  This is very important.  Babies require matching everything.)

Guardian of the Stash

We're continuing the celebration of the Spooky Month with (sometimes only vaguely) creepy, eerie and/or shudderiffic Yarn Yuck.

Today, I give you the Female Chucky Yarn Guard:

On one hand, I'm transfixed with horror.  (Those eternally staring blue eyes!  They follow you around the room!)

On the other, man, she must be the most effective protector of yarn ever.  No-one will dare lay a finger on your stash with this doll guarding it.  (In fact, they'll probably turn around and flee the room as soon as they've spotted her.)

Discover the Excitement!

"Discover the Excitement of Hairpin Lace":

I'm so excited!  I can't barely sit still!

I love hairpin lace, it's true!
I love hairpin lace! Don't you?!
Woooooo!

Let's hear it for hairpin lace, you guys!!


Let's hear it for floofy yarn collars!!!
Let's hear it for men in crocheted and knitted neck ties!!!!
And most of all...
Let's hear it for women (suggestively posed to insinuate that they may be nude) wrapped in striped afghans-- and apparently about to settle down for a catnap on a hard, cold marble slab!  (Cozy.)

Dun-Dun-DUNNNNN!

This baby has obviously taken acting/modeling lessons from the famous (infamous?) "Dramatic Gopher".

Matched Set

This vintage cover boasts that it features six matched sets.
And boy, they weren't kidding about the "matched" part...

"I daren't set a toe outside the house if my socks and tie don't match my sweater-vest.  Mother raised me right!"

Raise Your Hand!

"Raise your hand-- raise your hand... if you're Sure!"

(It almost looks like she's sneaking a little "am I still fresh?" sniff...)

Dolphin Sweaters Mask the Pain

Maybe I'm looking at this all wrong...

...but doesn't it look like that man is holding the poor, dolphin-sweater-wearing woman against her will?

"You're not going anywhere.  You think I'm going to let you out of the house wearing that dolphin sweater?  I don't think so."

With the weird controlling pose and the appearance of the female model, in particular, I am reminded of this music video: 

I Pledge Allegiance...

"America Flag":

Not to be mistaken for the AmericaN Flag.

Moody Model Dude

I think he's feeling jealous because he doesn't get to wear one of those cool headbands.
...Or maybe he thinks the "chunky" part is a personal insult.

"Casserole Coasters"

"Crochet Casserole Coasters":

Also known as pot-holders... hot pads... trivets... practically anything but "casserole coasters", actually. 

(And just what kind of casserole is this person preparing to make, anyway?  I see broccoli, green onions, carrots, tomatoes, bell peppers, eggs, and macaroni...  Remind me to have a previous engagement, should they invite me over for supper.)

"Out of the Stone Age!"

You may remember a post from a few days ago-- one featuring a magazine cover with an article about "The Paleolithic Era"?  Well, a few decades back, they were interested in just the opposite:  "BRING CROCHET OUT OF THE STONE AGE!"

What constituted the Stone Age of Crochet?  Why did they hate it so?  How did they propose to take those first tentative steps into the Bronze Age?  We may never know (unless you can find a copy of this newsletter and read all about it for yourself). 

One can only hope that the thing that woman is wearing is a costume.  (Otherwise, we may have found the answer to our question about why the Crochet Stone Age was so despised. . .)

This cavewoman has assembled quite a treasure trove of crochet goods, there:

• Doilies, pot holders, placemats/rugs, pillows, and tops
• Retrolicious mushroom patterns
• Some sort of white stuffed bird (?)
• Curly-"haired" slippers with built-in claws (??)
• Two gnome-like creatures (???)
• Whatever that weird red-haired thing in the lower left corner is. . .

. . . And what is that gray, horseshoe-shaped thing?  A plush toilet seat? (Or maybe a donkey...)

The eye doesn't know where to look!

Stone Age Style

Artsy magazine covers are generally good for a laugh (or at least a snicker).

I assume that this woman is modeling a piece related to the feature on "The Paleolithic Era". . .

Yes, the Paleolithic Era. . . Because don't we all want to look like cave-dwellers? 

Call me unevolved, but I can't help feeling that this Paleolithic thing is taking "retro" just a wee bit too far.

(But at least it seems that the model was really getting into her role.)