Help! I've Fallen...

"Help!  I've fallen in my skin-tight sequined leopard print skirt and baggy metallic sweater with fuzzy, striped sleeves... and I can't get up!"

Carefree

Sure, the cover says it's "carefree"...

...but I don't care what they say:  Someone always ends up hurt (and maybe bleeding) in those "free love" situations.

(Ok, maybe it's just me, but that pose makes it look like the girls are sharing Eric Forman, there.) 

How many of you want one of those groovy granny-square-and-stripes tops?  Actually, I do kind of like the sleeves... They're kind of a toned-down, mild-mannered version of Molly Weasley's sleeves.

Peace, Love & Happiness

This photo just makes me laugh.  What is she doing and why?  She appears to be playing some sort of flute while wearing flowers in her hair...  Is she at a gathering for modern hippies? (Nah, cant be that.  She's wearing shoes, for one thing...)  You get the feeling that she may have been hitting the ol' peace pipe, though. 

Anyway, thanks for the laugh, flute-playing flower-power lady!

Awkward

Sure, the little "necklace" and "bracelet" of puffy stitches look slightly silly... but what really gets me is the model's awkward pose (what is she doing with her right arm?) and vaguely concerned expression (probably due to the painful pose the cruel photographer insists she hold)...

Flex

This doesn't have much to do with yucky yarn-wear; though just about every child in the photo is wearing a sweater, they're all either nice-looking or innocuous...

...I just wonder what it is about these kids that has made them so (apparently) muscular.
Or are they just junior body-builders-in-training?

Three-fer!

Score One:
Little Miss Wear-Something-Underneath on the right...

Scores Two & Three:
Awkward poses for the win!!! 
a.k.a. "Throw yo' hands in the air like ya just don't care!" and the Squat Squad.

Despondent

Careless of the risk she ran of getting dirt on her crisp, white apparel, Vanessa sat on the floor, her head leaned wearily upon the sofa arm-rest as she stared blankly into space.  Life was a farce.  Not even her favorite shoulder-padded white sweater could lift her spirits today...

Handle with Care

I look at this photo and think, "Ach!  No!  Stop!  You're stretch it out!!!  Someone worked very hard crocheting that top, young lady, and if you can't treat it with the respect it deserves, you won't be allowed to wear it again.  I'll take it right off you, give it to some other little girl who will take good care of it, and then you'll just have to wear one of your old, stained t-shirts.  Is that what you want?  Well, is it?"

I mean, I get it, Miss Model.  You don't like the shirt, but is that any excuse for stretching it all out of shape?  How unprofessional!

Thank You for Being a Friend

 
It was at times like this, when she found herself kneeling on the floor in the beautifully diffused light emanating from the paper screens, that Etta most fully recognized the worth of a friend like Jess.  Anyone else would've asked what in the heck they were supposed to be doing, there on the floor-- why she was posed so dramatically, with her hand on her hip and the tips of her pointy, pointy boots touching the floor.  But not Jess.  She understood.

The Adventurous Knitwear Model

Most of the time, when you're looking through knitting and crochet patterns, you get the typical fare of women standing in various poses... occasionally sitting.  If the photographer or art director was really bold, there may be some unusual props or backgrounds, but for the most part, it's a little bit bland.

...And then you get a photo like this:

"Though sweater-knitting comes in at a close second, there is no pastime Arabella enjoys quite so much as falconry." 

She's something of an every(wo)man for your average knitter, isn't she?

Size Isn't Everything...

Uh, it doesn't quite cover the whole bed, dearie...

...not that you can be expected to notice that, considering that your eyes are fixed on something on the other side of the room.

(Maybe she's in denial.)

Brood Fail

"Hey, you think it's so easy?  I'd like to see you try to look all deep and broody in this sweater and a pair of orange slacks.  Even with a prop pipe, it's an uphill battle."

Excess

Two hair-related excesses to be avoided by models and fashion photographers at all costs:

Excessive "add-drama-to-the-photo-shoot fan":

Excessive hair tossing:

High Drama

...and fashion no-nos:

...such as (in my humble opinion) high heels over socks over leggings... and those gloves with anything, ever.

This model looks so fierce, she scares me a little.  Who else thinks she's a spy who might whip a gun out of that clutch at any moment?

What a Scoop!

Looks like that's a very engrossing article!

(Also note the late-80s-ish/early-90s-ish sweater.  Thank you.)

Tracker

The barefooted tracker half-squatted, half-kneeled, the tips of the weird artistic dangly crocheted what's-its attached to the front of her shirt lightly brushing the ground.  She ran her fingertips through the rough grains of sand, squinted into the distance, and wet her parched lips with her tongue before speaking

"Someone came this way two-- no, two-and-a-half hours ago.  He traveled alone and he traveled swiftly.  But I know a shortcut.  If we start now, we can head him off at the old pass."

Diagnosis YarnYuck

This looks like an acute case of fug-induced coma... 

...but then again, I'm not a doctor (don't even play one on TV), nor am I a reputable fashion critic (is there such a thing?).

Making Do

Due to a severe, worldwide shortage of fishnet hosiery, Natalia was forced to make do with the small amount of precious fishnet she had been able to procure. 

...Oh, and she also wore a very skimpy (crocheted?) top. 

Nuzzle

Arnold was sadly afflicted with the inability to look natural (and not vaguely awkward or creepy) in a photo.  

Reach for the Sky

"You're on the right track, darling, but try reaching just a little higher, okay?  Yes!  That's it!  Hold that position!"