Yesterday afternoon, a jury of her peers found ___________________ guilty of both charges brought against her-- namely, conspiracy to make a mesh top and first degree shorts-crocheting. The crochet shorts conviction carries a mandatory sentence of ten years yarn probation, during which time the convicted must submit to frequent and unannounced screening of her crochet workbasket and Ravelry queue. If she is found to be crocheting or even contemplating the crocheting of bottom-wear of any kind, her hooks and yarn stash will be confiscated and her projects immediately frogged.
A member of the jury, who wished to remain anonymous, said that she is thankful the trial is finally over. "You go through your life trying not to think about such things. I mean, you know they exist, somewhere out there, but you don't expect your life will ever be touched by them. It's just so difficult to comprehend. I've been having trouble sleeping-- nightmares-- since the testimony began. I just hope that now I can put this all behind me and try to forget those awful images."
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