Sure Beats a Collar

Just what every dog needs-- a (faux) necktie:

Because without it, there's no way he's ever going to make Alpha Dog, right? 

The tie demands respect.

PLEASE Wear Something Underneath!

Warning: 
Today's photos may not be safe for work, and you probably don't want your little kids to see it, either.  Otherwise, brace yourself and scroll down. . .







Keep going. . .
 





(But keep in mind, it's not too late to turn back.  No-one will think less of you for it.)








Almost there. . .





Aaaaaannnd, here it is:

. . . I mean, seriously.  

I don't care if you modeled for Playboy; there are still some lines you just don't cross.  Those lines were back about a mile before you bought and wore this thing in a public place. 

. . . And if you find that you simply can't live without crochet mesh dresses (with nothing substantial underneath them), please at least avoid wearing them when you're out with your young daughter.  

Horrifying.

What a Poser!

This is another of those poses that, while fairly common in the world of glossy photos, one hardly ever encounters in everyday life:

. . . The longer I look at this type of pose (and it's hard not to, in this particular layout, what with the three brilliant examples), the more ridiculous it seems.  Can you imagine seeing someone walking down the street like this?  Or even someone just standing in line at the grocery store in this pose?  Craaaa-zy!

Knitted No-No

According to my copy of The Know-It-All's Guide to the World, knitted pants are a knitted no-no.

I don't care that they have cool cables running down the sides of the legs.

I don't care that they match your knitted sweater perfectly.

I don't care that you're a grown woman who wears her hair in pigtails* and carries around a balloon for no apparent reason.

Just don't do it.

. . .Well, unless you really want to, of course.  No-one can stop you but yourself.  But don't come crying to me when people stare.  (The world can be so cruel. . .)

*It has come to my attention that in some regions of the English-speaking world, "pigtails" refers to two braids of hair (Pippi Longstocking-style hairdo).  Apparently they call this style "bunches" or "angel wings".  Huh.  You learn somethin' new every day.  (Whether you like it or not.)

Dear Crocheters Around the World:

Please repeat after me:

A doily is not a shirt.

It's just something I thought you might benefit from knowing.

It might help you avoid awkward situations-- you know, like being ogled by random men on the street, hearing people snickering behind your back, being ostracized from society-- that kind of thing.

P.S.  This would make a perfectly acceptable and even quite cute apron.  Just don't wear it as a shirt (especially with hardly anything underneath) and expect to be treated as a normal, competent adult.

"You Disgust Me."

I could be imagining things here. . .

. . . but it certainly looks like she can't mask her incredibly powerful feeling of disgust, even if it is her responsibility as The Model to make the knitwear look appealing. 

Or maybe she just caught a whiff from a nearby sewage management facility right before the photographer took the photo.

Creepy Crochet Kids

Don't deny it.

They creep you out, too, don't they?

What with the matching outfits (especially the one with bell-bottoms*) and the (rose-adorned) guitar, I also get the impression that they're like a smaller-scale, more folksy, soulful version of the Brady Bunch Group (whatever they called themselves).

*Ah yes, the crocheted bell-bottoms.  (You didn't think those escaped my ever-scrutinizing eye, did you?  Oh ye of little faith!)  Is it just me, or doesn't it look like the only reason they're staying up is that they're being held up?  Might explain why the girl in the skirt is holding the guitar.  The bell-bottomed girl has to content herself with vocals, leaving both hands free to avoid a major "wardrobe malfunction".