Please repeat after me:
A doily is not a shirt.
It's just something I thought you might benefit from knowing.
It might help you avoid awkward situations-- you know, like being ogled by random men on the street, hearing people snickering behind your back, being ostracized from society-- that kind of thing.
P.S. This would make a perfectly acceptable and even quite cute apron. Just don't wear it as a shirt (especially with hardly anything underneath) and expect to be treated as a normal, competent adult.