Sunday, July 4, 2010

A Word of Warning

On this Fourth of July (howdy, my fellow Americans!), there is one thing that it is crucial that you should remember.

No, it's nothing to do with wearing sunscreen. (Though, yes, that's always a good idea. . . )

Nope.  Nothing about fireworks safety. (Though, again, that's something to take seriously. . . )

Keep in mind the meaning of the day-- the value of freedom-- etc., etc.?  No, no-- not that.  (But yeah, go ahead and do that, too. . .)

"Be sure to keep mayonnaise-based foods, such as potato salad, at a safe temperature to prevent food poisoning"?  Seriously?  (. . .Well, yes, I guess that's also important. . .)

"Stay hydrated" . . .?

*sigh*  Look, maybe we should just skip the guesses and cut to the chase.


On this day of beach and poolside revelry, above all else, you must remember to avoid ugly knitted or crocheted bikinis.

Like this one:

I can't imagine this style (especially the top) would be particularly flattering on any "body type", no matter how many magazine fluff pieces you might scour.  Pear or apple, boyish or bootylicious-- it's just not a good look.

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