No, no, not that SPCA.
We're talking Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Appliances here.
Good sir or madam, please put yourself into the, er, shoes of your typical household appliance-- just for a moment-- won't you?
Just imagine: You spend every moment waiting to be of service to the people of your house, and what is the thanks you get? Nothing. They hardly even notice you until something eventually goes wrong. And when it does go wrong, well, these days you can count on it that 9 times out of 10, you'll end up at the dump. Nobody repairs things, nowadays. It's cheaper to replace.
I tell you, it's a sad, sad existence.
Well, it's time we did something about it!
And it can all start with the simplest gesture of kindness!
Friends, why not crochet your appliance a scarf?
Televisions, radios-- even your refrigerator-- they all need to know that they're appreciated. (So what if no-one will ever see your hard work up there on top of the fridge? You and the fridge will know it's there.)
Yes, your appliances will stay warm and cozy with one of these hand-crocheted scarves (or "scarfs")! (And while you're at it, don't forget your furniture-- coffee tables and chests of drawers have feelings, too, you know!)
Let this be a lesson to you all. (Keep the machines happy.)