What the. . .?

Welcome to "What the. . .?, the Cabaret Edition"!

...Some things are just wrong.

What the. . .?

Look, everyone!  It's a rare photo of Joulu-Nauha-Keijukainen-- the Finnish elf of Christmas ribbons!

As every Finnish child knows, she sneaks into homes around the holiday season, swiping the ribbon trimmings from unguarded gifts.  It is thought that she uses the ribbons to line her nest and to make wigs to cover her pitifully thin hair.  (Hey, not even an elf wants to wear a bee-stripe hood all the time!)

. . .Or maybe not.  But it's at least as plausible as the idea that real people ever wore such things. 

Umm. . .

'Scuse me, ma'am, but. . .

. . . I think one of your, erm, strategically placed pom-poms has come loose. . .

"What the. . ."

This "what the" is a fairly small photo, which makes it difficult to make out some of the details, and honestly, I think we all ought to be thankful for that fact.

I'm marking this as "swimwear", though to tell the truth, I'm not 100% sure it's meant to be swum in.   (Wear this in public-- in the bright light of day-- poolside or at the beach?  Seriously?)

But what else could it be?

Something for the bedroom, perhaps. . . though I pity the poor man who's expected to keep a straight face when his lady saunters in wearing a daffodil bikini.  ("Let's just switch the lights off first, shall we, Sweetums?")

Leia Wannabe

That's right, I said it. 

She's a a Leia wannabe.

How else can you explain this ridiculous get-up?

Seriously, under what circumstances would you ever have occasion to wear something like this?  Surely not out in public, so what does that leave?  Lounging around the house, I suppose.  Meh, I'll stick with my comfy jeans, tees, and (when I'm really cutting loose) fleece robe, thanks all the same. 

"What The. . ."

Let's say you have a toddler-- a sweet little child for whom you like to knit sweaters.

You love that baby, right?
You want to protect him or her from the scary things in life. . .

. . . the nightmarish things, like, say, blue boogeyman-monsters:

What in the world is that thing?  Why was it brought forth into creation, with its donut eyes and sausage nose?  Is it a stuffed toy or (*shudder*) a costumed person?  Either way, it gives me the creeps-- and because it doesn't appear to be knit or crochet, one has to wonder why it was included in the photo shoot at all. 

. . . Creepy.

What the. . .?

A word of warning:
If you're a teensy bit prudish (as I myself happen to be), you may wish to shoo any stray children or other innocents from the room before scrolling down to this post's photo. 



Sorry to trouble the rest of you folks,

but since this is generally-- I hope--

a fairly family-safe blog, I felt I ought

to give a little warning this time. . .



Wouldn't want to embarrass anyone. . .



. . . I don't want to be the reason little

Bobby or Susie start asking Mommy

awkward questions, for instance. . .



I also wouldn't want your co-workers

(who just happen to pass by at

the wrong moment) to think you're

a total weirdo. . . 



Okay, back to your regularly scheduled blog entry!



The title (which, to remind you, is "What the. . .?") says it all, really.

What more is there to say-- what more to do than to stare in horror and disbelief?

(Still, because this is a blog, I will say something more. . .)

What is this meant to be?  A swimsuit?  Lingerie?  Either way, it is clearly the result of a severe lapse in judgment. 

Also:  If (perish the thought) you ever find yourself compelled to crochet a swimsuit / teddy / whatever the heck this thing is, please consider using a color slightly more appealing and flattering than harvest gold (with a touch of pea soup).  Just a helpful hint. 

(Dear Readers, prepare yourselves:  There are more entries in the "What the. . .?" series just waiting to be written and posted.  You'll never know when one might pop up next.  Live and read in fear, my friends.  You're never as safe as you think you are.  Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!  Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!)