Order in the Court!

Yesterday afternoon, a jury of her peers found ___________________ guilty of both charges brought against her-- namely, conspiracy to make a mesh top and first degree shorts-crocheting.  The crochet shorts conviction carries a mandatory sentence of ten years yarn probation, during which time the convicted must submit to frequent and unannounced screening of her crochet workbasket and Ravelry queue.  If she is found to be crocheting or even contemplating the crocheting of bottom-wear of any kind, her hooks and yarn stash will be confiscated and her projects immediately frogged.

A member of the jury, who wished to remain anonymous, said that she is thankful the trial is finally over.  "You go through your life trying not to think about such things.  I mean, you know they exist, somewhere out there, but you don't expect your life will ever be touched by them.  It's just so difficult to comprehend.  I've been having trouble sleeping-- nightmares-- since the testimony began.  I just hope that now I can put this all behind me and try to forget those awful images."

Suggestive

Apparently these crochet mesh duds weren't trashy enough on their own...

They had to up the ante with a suggestive pose.
Well done!  It's miles trashier, now.

The Good, The Bad, & the Weird

You may have noticed there was no Yarn Yuck yesterday.  (I hope none of you had a panic attack... I'd hate to have that on my conscience.)  To make up for that disappointment, I'm going to serve up something special today-- some fairly mindblowing (imho) Yuck.  So without further ado...

You know how in the classic Western, The Good, The Bad and the Ugly, Clint Eastwood's character wears a poncho and some sort of cowboy hat?  (Confession:  I've never actually watched the whole film, but hey, everyone has seen enough clips of it through the years to know what I'm talking about, right?)

Anyway, that's what this outfit reminds me of... only it's for girls, so it had to be the obligatory pink and lavender (with the not-so-obligatory yellow and black accents).  It's not exactly the colors that make this thing a fine specimen of Yarn Yuck, though... Not so much the color scheme as the... Well, take a look for yourself:

Isn't it stunning? 

Putting aside the multi-color, multi-design, fringed knitted shorts for a moment... check out the design on the poncho.  Designer, dear, where is this strange world where there are multiple suns shining in the sky?  What are the lavender posts to which the stick figures in boats are so desperately rowing?  Why are said posts spewing lines of lavender into the sky?  Most puzzling of all-- when you decided (or were asked) to design a poncho and shorts set for girls, how did you ever come up with this?

What the. . .?

Look, everyone!  It's a rare photo of Joulu-Nauha-Keijukainen-- the Finnish elf of Christmas ribbons!

As every Finnish child knows, she sneaks into homes around the holiday season, swiping the ribbon trimmings from unguarded gifts.  It is thought that she uses the ribbons to line her nest and to make wigs to cover her pitifully thin hair.  (Hey, not even an elf wants to wear a bee-stripe hood all the time!)

. . .Or maybe not.  But it's at least as plausible as the idea that real people ever wore such things. 

Sweater-Shorts

I question the wisdom of knitting (or crocheting) a skirt to match a top.   It really doesn't seem like the best of ideas, but I suppose it's possible to do it well.  (Or at least not to do it so badly that you render yourself ridiculous.)

Knitted shorts to match a top, on the other hand. . .

And there's that hood / hat /thingamabob that goes with it, too.  And all of it in orange. 

We can only pray that this sort of thing never comes back into fashion.
(Was it ever in fashion at all?   One has to wonder. . .)